Will's Christmas Visit!

This year, Will came on the 22nd to spend the night with me and part of the next day...you see, he and Noah had a very special connection and when I see Will, I think of how much Noah loved him and how happy he was when Will was around. Having Will take a special day to come and visit me was like a wonderful gift to me. I appreciate it so much for I know that he was doing it not only for me but he was giving me what Noah no longer can...his presence. Thank you Will...you brought me a little piece of Heaven and I love you for it! I could feel my Noah's love thru your humble, pure spirit. It was a wonderful gift!

Merry Christmas from the Coombs!!

We want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! We are thankful for this wonderful time of year and the joy that it brings as we remember and take time to reflect on the birth of our Savior! We hope everyone will take some time on Christmas Eve and Christmas day admist all the fun and activities and gift giving and receiving and fun to remember the reason we celebrate this day!!! We are profoundly grateful for the Savior's life and mission and His atoning sacrifice for us! We hope you all have a wonderful time with your families...we are grateful for each of you!! :) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! We love you all!!!

The FLU.....WHAT?????

Okay, now I go out of my way to try and prevent my family from getting the flu....I did exactly what the doctors asked me to do..my kids got the regular flu shot and then I made sure they got the h1n1 flu shot as well so I thought we were covered! Yesterday, Lauren wakes up with a really bad sore throat, fever, body aches, headache, and stomachache! I immediately call her doctor and make an appointment to bring her in. Before we go to the doctor her temp is around 102 so I give her tylenol and make sure she has cornstarch. On the way, Lauren gets sick in the car...I speed up a little and start to worry. Jeff meets me at the doctor's office and we are told that it looks like Lauren has the FLU!!! I said, "She had BOTH flu shots..what is this???" Dr. Covington and Dr. Muenzer both informed me that even though she had the shot, it would not guarantee that she would not get the flu, but that if she got it, she would get a more "watered down" version which in her case would be much better than the full blown flu...well, the "watered down" version in her is as bad as what everyone else that has had the flu has been...I am so grateful that we have all had the shot!! If she had gotten the full blown version of the flu then we would definitely had been in the hospital...no question!!! As is, we are hoping that we don't have to be going to the hospital..we are getting a 48 hour window from the doctors and they are trying to renig on that already!!! Last night her fever was up and we were a little concerned because Lauren can't take ibuprofen..it makes her sick to her stomach..so we cooled her down with a cool rag and put a light blanket on her which helped a lot! Jeff and Nathan also gave her a blessing and I immediately felt at peace. She still does not feel good but we know that she will get a little better each day. We are thankful for her doctors that take such good care of her and worry over her like Jeff and I do. We are not happy that somehow the flu has made it to our house BUT we are VERY GRATEFUL that it made it here before Christmas...we just need to get this out of the way so we can enjoy our time together as a family!!!

A Christmas Survey!!

I read this on LaNelle's blog and I am feeling festive so I considered myself tagged and here it is:

Be Festive and Enjoy!


1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year?

I honestly don't have a lot on my list that I need but if I could think of a few things, they would be:
1. Design Perfume and Powder (you can find those on fragrance.com)
2. A cool cellphone with all the latest gadgets (I love gadgets)
3. My kids not to be sick
4. Jeff being off for a whole week between Christmas and New Years (top of my
list)
5. Having Noah with us on Christmas (my biggest wish)!

2. What is your favorite handmade gift you ever received?

The gifts my children have made me...but if I had to pick just one, it would be the manger scene that Lauren made for me out of clay last year...I love manger scenes and it is so cute and from the heart!

3. What handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle?

Making a quilt which I have no idea how to do but I would love to make one for each of my kids and I would love to make one out of Noah's clothes.

4. What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child?

One year when I was in second grade we lived in Louisiana and we couldn't go to Ninna and Granddaddy's that year so everyone mailed us our gifts...MaMaw sent me a big flat box and when I opened it up there were 100 rings in it...I was so excited that I just screamed. I wore rings on every finger for weeks..I will never forget it!

5. What is your favorite holiday food?

I love all the homemade treats.... Momma'schocolate pie and peanut butter fudge is my favorite but Jeff's cream of potato soup on Christmas Eve is something I look forward to every year!

6. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?

Ummmmmm....since I have NO TALENT in that department, the answer would be NOTHING!

7. Favorite Holiday Songs?

I love all the classic Christmas songs and hymns but my favorite is "Do you hear what I hear?"

8. Favorite Holiday Pastime?

Spending Christmas Eve at Ninna and Granddaddy's and eating grits and singing "We wish you a Merry Christmas" to Granddaddy so he would let us open our gifts on Christmas Eve and getting up at 3 in the morning to see what Santa left and spending it with my family! I will always cherish those memories!!!


And now if you are in the mood to spread some holiday spirit, consider yourself tagged! :)

Tis the Season!

Tonight was the Christmas Devotional and it was so beautiful! I felt the spirit so strong and now I am ready for this Christmas Season. It reminded me of why we celebrate Christmas...oh the decorations, the presents, the hustle and bustle are all fun and certainly have their place but the real meaning, the part that makes this time of the year so special, is about celebrating the birth of our Savior. I am so thankful for my Savior...his love, his selfless life, his redeeming grace, his mercy, his kindness, and most of all his ultimate sacrifice for me! I am so thankful for my family and how much I love them and how thankful I am that I am close to them. My greatest blessings are all around me. I will celebrate this year with more love and I will look for opportunities of service so that I can bring the Spirit of Christ into my home. I can only imagine the celebration that Noah is participating in on the other side of the veil...yes, we should all celebrate the birth and life of our Savior....for He is what Christmas is all about! I love this time of year!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We had a wonderful, lazy Thanksgiving Day...lots of good food and great company. My friend, Jackie, came and spent the day with us and we were happy to welcome her to be part of our family...we were so stuffed after we had helpings of turkey, ham,Momma's FABULOUS cornbread dressing, mac&cheese, broccoli casserole, sweet potato casserole, green beans, baby lima beans, corn on the cob, and hot rolls...not to mention all the dessert...pecan pie, apple pie, chocolate pie, hershey kiss cookies, and chocolate chip cookies! We were full and happy by the end of our day!

Getting the turkey on!

Eating the dinner!

Some of the desserts!

After we were full of turkey, ham, and all the fixins we moved on to our next favorite of the Thanksgiving Holiday....BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING!! We looked thru all the sales papers and tried to find what all the good deals and make some plans for our shopping blitz! We started our shopping day at 2 am and ended it around noon...we were all tired but had a load of fun and battled the crowds and looooonnnggg lines with the best of them...what a great day!!!

All the sales papers we looked thru over and over again

Jean and Emily when we began our shopping trip!

Momma waiting in line at Wal-Mart!
Jean waiting in line at Wal-Mart!
Jean, Callie, and Momma at the end our shopping blitz!

Miracles!

Jacob did a great update on his life that I read a few minutes ago. At the end of his post he asked the question...have you prayed for your miracle? I thought about that as I read it. I thought about what exactly a miracle is and how they come about...sometimes I am finding that the miracles are so small that we tend to overlook them, or at least I do. As we begin this holiday season I have been reflecting over the last two years of my life...what has taken place and where I am today...I face yet another holiday season without Noah. My friend gave a wonderful quote the other day...it said,
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone." Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
I agree with that statement. I have experienced the kind of pain that sears you right down to your soul and yes, with time, it has healed some. During these last two years I have prayed mightly for strength, for more faith, and I have spent much time in the scriptures, pondering in the temple and striving to serve more faithfully. Thru those experiences I have experienced a miracle of healing thru the power of the atonement. I never really understood the healing power of the atonement until I needed it myself...it has washed over me and soothed my broken heart. It is filling the awful hole in my heart and soul with a deeper and more profound love of the Savior and my Father in Heaven. I still have moments when the tears and the pain return but I turn to my scriptures and I find peace and solitude...today I experienced a little miracle and it came thru my nephew, Jacob. His words on his blog at the end penetrated to my heart as he asked the question, "Have you prayed for your miracle?"..... my first thought was yes, I have and it hasn't happened..I'm still struggling, I'm still lacking, I still don't have what I have prayed so hard for the Lord to send to me and then I stopped myself in mid thought....I have so many miracles in my life..I have three wonderful children on this side of the veil who live the gospel and strive everyday to be obedient....I have one child on the other side of the veil that is about his Father's business and has finished his probation here on earth and returned with honor to his Heavenly Father...he is waiting for us and watching over us and I am sure praying for us to always choose the right. I have the most wonderful, faithful, stalwart husband in the world and I am blessed that he honors his priesthood and serves the Lord with faith and devotion. I have a mother who understands completely my pain and still has the ability to lift me with her strength and help me to look beyond this moment and see what it truly important to me. I have so much more than money or things could give me. As I begin this holiday season, I have much to be thankful for...I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and I have an eternal family. I have more love offered to me than I can comprehend and I feel grateful for my rich blessings. The pain of not having Noah here with us will never go away but thru the miraculous healing power of the atonement I can be certain of where he is and that his love transends thru the veil to us everyday. We will celebrate the birth of our Savior this year with more humility and realize the most important riches that we have are one another. Our love will grow and expand and I will find ways this holiday season to help my children understand the beauty of our Savior's mission here on earth. Yes...this will be a season of miracles for me...the kind that I need and the kind that will bring me closer to the Savior...and that is the greatest miracle of all...His gift to me...and I will cherish it like no other!

Young Women in Excellence Program

The girls had their YW in Excellence Program this week and they did such a good job. They had to complete a 10 hour project in one of their values to display at the program. Emily chose "knowledge" and spent 10 hours researching her career choice in Physical Therapy and found out much about the program at East Carolina University. She wants to pursue her career there as they have one of the best programs for her chosen field. Lauren chose "divine nature" and spent 10 hours going over the six "B"'s that President Hinckley told them about...she wrote a poem about each of the B's and made a display out of "bees" to remind herself of the importance of living them in her life. Emily conducted the program and did a great job. Below are some pictures of their night...we were proud of their accomplishment and grateful for their leaders who work hard to help them achieve their goals.

Lauren and her YW Leader, Megan Clark

Emily with some of the YW

Emily with her project

Lauren with her project

Emily's project

Lauren's project

November already???

I cannot believe that it is November already! Where has this year gone??? It was great to have November start on a Sunday...I loved that! We really enjoyed our Sunday...we, along with Momma and Nathan, were joined by Nate and Lynn VanValkenburg, the missionaries, and my adorable nephew, Jacob and his girlfriend, Brittany! We had such a great day and I thought last night that November could not have started out any better...friends and family are a perfect way to start the month! So...now begins the holiday season....my favorite time of year!

Happy Halloween 2009!!!!

We had a great time this halloween. Jeff has a sinus infection so he stayed home while the rest of us went to our Ward Trunk or Treat Party! I am not good at coming up with costume ideas at all but Jeff came up with the costume for Michael that was the hit of the party! We all came home after a lot of laughing, eating, and with tons of candy...just what we all need...hahaha! The kids costumes were so fun...I have posted some pictures below....

Michael was "Swine Flu"...he carried around silly string and infected everyone he saw!!

Michael as "Swine Flu"

Lauren as a "Rock and Roll hippie"


Emily as a "peace, love, cool hippie"

Emily, Lauren, and Michael in their costumes

Balance!

This week on Thursday I am giving a lesson in a Relief Society meeting on "Achieving Balance in our Lives." I have been thinking a lot about this lately....what does it take to to keep and maintain balance. The more I have pondered this, the more I am coming to understand, at least from my own experience, that the most important thing to having balance is where our priorities lie. I have discovered that we will never have real balance and harmony in our lives if we do not put the most important things first....daily prayer, daily scripture study being two of the most vital things to keep our lives in balance. Elder Ballard said in a book called "When thou art Converted" that if we are too busy to spend a few minutes everyday in scripture study then we are TOO busy and should find a way to eliminate or modify whatever activities are making that simple task impossible. So, I ask the question to those of you who read my blog...What are some things you do to keep your life in balance? I am interested as I prepare this lesson to see what others do to help maintain balance in their lives......

Sunday at home!

It was so nice to wake up this morning in my own bed and to know that Lauren was sleeping in her own bed and we were all together as a family. Hospital visits remind me not to take for granted even the most simple of pleasures...that being able to wake up in my own house with my family all here. I am learning that often I take those little things for granted and I am going to try harder not to do that anymore. I am so thankful for all the little things in my life. When I walk thru the door of my my home I am greeted with hugs and big smiles, and a barking, deliriously happy dog, and I love the clean smell of my house and how hard my children work to make sure things stay in order. I love to look around and see a couple of games sitting out where the kids had been playing, schoolbooks layed out on the table where they had been working, Jeff's briefcase sitting in the floor of our room (where I always gripe about it being..hehe), the love and peace that permeates thru this house, my pictures of our family all over the walls, my album of Noah and his scriptures sitting on his special table, the reminders we have up about being more obedient, and my pictures of Christ and the temple! All those things remind me that I am home and there is no place on earth that is like home, there is no better feeling than being at home and I am reminded again not to take the little things for granted...I love hearing Mikey run thru the house playing some imaginary game, Emily sitting in our "reading chair" devouring another book, Lauren working on her endless crafts at the most disorganized corner in my house and Jeff looking thru e-mails, sharing one of his famous "Jeffisms", or walking aimlessly into the kitchen in search of a snack! I love sitting in my old worn out brown recliner that got passed down to me and when I sit in it I am reminded of how much love my Momma has for me. This is what my whole life is about and I wouldn't trade it for anything...my home, my family, my place of refuge when the world gets too hard, and when I am away from it for even a few days I am reminded of what I love most....being with my family and having everyone together. I have a lot to be grateful for...today I am thankful to be home!!!

An Uplifting Week-end!!!

Even though Lauren and I are in the hospital, we were still able to get General Conference up here thru the internet. It was so nice being able to see and hear the messages given on the computer! I am so thankful for technology! All I can really say about this week-end was WOW!! I felt so uplifted and the two days of conference went by so fast! I came away from the week-end determined to live an even higher law and try harder to be true! The counsel I received made me feel so good and I know that Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to succeed! There was so much that I wanted to remember and I really want to keep the spirit I felt in conference with me all the time. It is wonderful!!!! I am grateful for the gospel and to know that we are not alone. I am thankful to have a living prophet that gives us direction and I, like, Elder Holland, know beyond any shadow of a doubt that the Book of Mormon is true and that it truly testifies of Christ. What a wonderful way to spend a week-end, being completely uplifted and strengthened! Now it is time to go forward with faith!!!!

Our Second home.....

Well, we tried really hard to not have to come to the hospital but here we are once again, and believe it or not, we are in the exact same room we were in back in June!! I think they should start calling this room the "Coombs Family Retreat"...hahaha! Lauren's doctors just felt like she should come in and be put on IV Fluids to give her stomach a rest from cornstarch. We are hoping that we will not have to be here but for a few days. Lauren is in good spirits which is making this visit a lot easier. She says, and I quote, "My phantom stomach pain is back with a vengeance"! She is having that same ole stomach pain she gets at times and finds difficult to get under control sometimes. They are giving her some pain meds thru the IV and we are hoping after a few days she will get back to zero again and then we can get back to our normal schedule! She is still eating a little bit and that is a good sign. I am pleased to see how she is growing up and handling things so much better! I'm glad that she is taking all of this in stride. It makes our visit here easier to deal with! So...we are trying to relax is our home away from home and think positive thoughts...now only if we had some red shoes we could click together and repeat, "There's no place like home, there's no place like home..." Haha!

My thoughtful husband!!!

Jeff had to go to Asheville this week for work and he knew how stressed out and tired I have been in dealing with Lauren not feeling well and her sudden bloodsugar drops. Since Sunday I had only gotten four hours of sleep, so by yesterday afternoon I was exhausted. When he told me on Sunday night that he had to go to Ashvelle this week, I guess from my expression, he could tell that I was weary. He normally will go and spend the night but he decided to get up at 4 am and leave yesterday and come back in one day. I was worried about him doing that, worried about Lauren and possibly facing another hospital stay, worried about how to get all the schoolwork done and the housework kept up and battling major fatigue! Anyway..yesterday afternoon things were looking up, I took a four hour nap which helped quite a bit and had dinner waiting for Jeff when he got home last night! He told me he had a surprise for me....he had brought me my absolute favorite treat in the whole world....MARABOU CHOCOLATE!!!! He said that when he went thru Charlotte, they had an IKEA store there so he stopped so he could get me some chocolate! He is so very thoughtful about things like that and it brought tears to my eyes...he is such a great husband and went out of his way to make me feel better (which chocolate always does..hehe)! So glad he is mine!!!! Aren't I blessed????

Tired!!

Well, the past couple of days have been exhausting! Lauren loves to throw us curve balls and she threw us a good one yesterday at church. Her blood sugar had been fine early that morning and she had eaten before we left for church but during Sacrament when I checked her bloodsugar it was 36 and things went downhill quickly from there. Long story short is that she dropped even lower, passed out in the hall at church, we were able to get her aroused, give her polycose, rush her home, access her port and give her D50 to stabilize her bloodsugar. She has been pretty stable ever since but does not feel good at all. I have spoken at length to both of her doctors and I am taking her to see her pediatrician tomorrow morning. Both Dr. Covington and Dr. Muenzer think that she will need to be hospitalized because something is causing the low blood sugar drops but we just don't know what. I am hoping that we can do some bloodwork and get a clearer picture but the way I am feeling right now and how she looks, I think we are headed for a hospital stay. Jeff and I are praying that we will be led to make right decisions concerning her care and that we will do the right thing. Dr. Muenzer said that we need to have a VERY LOW threshhold for putting her in the hospital and so I will be keeping a close watch on her tonight to make sure that she doesn't drop. She is complaining of a headache, stomachache and that her chest hurts. Jeff gave her a blessing and we know that the Lord is watching over her. We will definitely put her safety first. I have her port accessed and heplocked and D50 ready. So far she has been stable but she doesn't look very good. She looks like she does not feel good. I am just tired right now and hope we will have a clear path by tommorrow! Please pray that we will know what to do and that it will be the right decision! Thanks!!!

My girls!

With all the complaining I sometimes do about Lauren's stubbornness, I have to take some time out and now talk about her great faith and determination. This year, she absolutely begged to go to early morning seminary and after much prayer, her dad and I decided, along with her doctors, that this would be a good thing for her. They told me that she would have to wear a mask during flu season and she couldn't go if there was any outbreak of illness in the class! She has been getting up at 5 am for the past 3 weeks and never complaining about it. She checks her own bloodsugar, gets dressed, has a smile on her face and comes home in a happy mood! Last night, Lauren's bloodsugar dropped dangerously low (27) for no reason that we could see. We were able to get it back up and she ate good and had a really good bloodsugar when she went to bed last night...this morning at 5 am, her bloodsugar was somewhat low again (53), she took cornstarch and 5 cc of polycose (liquid glucose) and went to get ready for seminary. I questioned her going but she said she felt like she could do it even though she didn't feel well (low blood sugar will do that to you)! I checked it again and it had come up so after I pondered and prayed about the situation, I sent her to seminary with Emily with some extra sugar treats and a bloodsugar machine! Now...here is where my other sweet daughter comes in...she knew that Lauren was a little off center this morning so she kept a close watch over her during seminary, even checking her bloodsugar while they were there. I am so blessed with both of my girls....their courage, faith, and compassion humbles me everyday. I am blessed to have daughters that want to do what is right and that see early morning seminary as a blessing in their lives...they give me great joy everyday and I love them so much!!!

My favorite day....

Sunday is always my favorite day of the week. This Sunday was no different...we had the missionaries over for dinner as well as the older sister missionaries in our ward over and they brought such a great spirit into our home. We love opening up our home and sharing our Sunday meal with others. It brightens up our day and we feel like we can share the blessings the Lord has given us. Michael was so cute...usually when we come home from church, the kids immediately go to their rooms and change from their Sunday clothes into their lounging clothes or pj's for the rest of the day. Today, Michael came home and stayed in his church clothes until after the missionaries left...when I asked him why he didn't change his clothes, he said, "Well, I just felt like it was the right thing to do." He always amazes me in the little things he does to show respect to our Heavenly Father and His servants. It was a sweet little experience for me. This afternoon we all took a nap and we have enjoyed just being together! I love Sundays because they remind me of my enormous blessings and give me a day to count them without other distractions...yay for Sundays!!!!!

Uplifting Week-end!

We had stake conference this week-end and it was so uplifting. The Saturday night adult session was so uplifting and I left there feeling a much stronger desire to live closer to my Heavenly Father and be more obedient to His will in my life. We are so blessed to live in a wonderful stake...after the conference session last night, Jeff and I were talking to a friend of ours who is on the high council and also runs the technology things in our stake. Our stake has gotten so large that our stake center is not large enough to hold everyone and parking is a nightmare so the stake presidency decided this year to do a live feed to the Knightdale building and asked the Knightdale and Zebulon wards to go to the Knightdale building for stake conference and watch it on the screen instead of coming to the stake center. This past week, I took Michael to see Dr. Covington because he had an ear infection and Dr. Covington talked very seriously with me about this flu season. Long story short, he wanted me to begin seriously quarantining the kids around large crowds and in very enclosed spaces...I tell you all of this because Jeff and I have been praying this past week about what we should do when it came to stake conference today, knowing the Knightdale Building would be overflowing....well, our answer came in a wonderful way. They were able to send a live feed of stake conference directly to our computer here at the house and we were able to keep our family home and away from the crowd of stake conference and still enjoy the talks and music. It was wonderful to sit in our living room this morning and watch and listen to our stake presidency give us counsel. I shed tears of thanksgiving when I think about the love I have for and feel from this wonderful stake and how the Lord always provides for us if our desire is strong enough....we are more than blessed to be in the Raleigh North Carolina Stake and I am filled with gratitude for my blessings today!!!

A Growing Light...

About a month ago....right after I went thru another very painful period in July having to deal with not only the anniversary of Noah's death but also his birthday, I came to understand that for the last 2 years my life has essentially been on hold. I have strattled that unseen line between this world and the next....wanting to take care of my children here and wanting to see and take care of my precious Noah in the other world. It has expended my energy, consumed my thoughts and taken part of me away from my family. The last two years I have just struggled to stay afloat and function as best I could. I thought that I was doing well but as I have continually prayed, pondered, read my scriptures and gone to the temple I suddenly looked around me a couple of weeks ago and realized how much my world had turned upside down. I think all the praying, pondering, reading, and attending the temple was what helped me to function and keep moving foward but I didn't realize how much it was bringing me to the place I am today. My eyes were opened and I looked at how much I have allowed my grief to take over who I am. I know this may sound trite...I don't mean it to be...but my house has been in disarray, my kids have largely functioned daily with me kinda sitting on the sidelines. Jeff has had to take on many more responsibilities that should be mine and I have had no energy or even a desire to get up and put things in order! I realized without really knowing it that I had slipped into some type of protection mode and just was wandering thru life. When my eyes finally were opened and I could see more clearly, I knelt down and asked Heavenly Father to help me find my way back....I sat down right then and made plans for the school year at home with the kids, I got up and put my house in order and set a schedule for us to live by. I began to get up very early so I could spend time alone in the mornings with my scriptures and I asked Jeff to give me a blessing to ask Heavenly Father to give me the physical strength and stamina that I needed to get my life in the right place. The last two years have been full of not only grief and pain but seemingly overwhelming challenges with Lauren and Michael's health as well. We have had long, extended hospital stays that have kept me on an emotional roller coaster and I have watched Lauren struggle to get hold of herself after facing the devastating loss of her brother and having to come to grips with her own struggle with GSD. It has been difficult and yet it has brought me to my knees and made me humble myself and ask for the Lord's guiding hand. I have felt his gentle whisperings and his guidance. I have seen him help Jeff move our family forward. I have felt much peace as I turned to my scriptures and at every temple session I attend, I can feel the overwhelming love that my precious Noah has for our family. I have felt his joy as we move closer and closer to our Father in Heaven and I have come to understand what truly submitting my will to Heavenly Father's means. I have found that thru this intense pain, I have found the absolute unwavering devotion to my Heavenly Father and feel a much deeper sense of love and gratitude for my Savior's sacrifice for me. I have come to love the simple beauty of the plan of salvation and I have come to understand that this life truly is a very small part of eternity. I have developed a stronger, deeper bond with Jeff and together we have learned to put complete faith and trust in Heavenly Father's will in our lives. All of this horrible heartache and pain has also brought with it some of the richest blessings I will ever experience in this life. I would not trade the relationship I have now with my Heavenly Father for anything and I don't know if I could have gained the great faith I am trying to maintain without having had to live thru this. I am watching Noah's incredible spirit touch lives as we tell others of him and we share our testimonies with them of Noah's life and our gratitude for the gospel. We are filled with joy as we see the light of Christ begin to shine in their eyes and we are profoundly grateful to have the opportunity to share the gospel of Jesus Christ and give others the opportunity to have in their lives the beauty of the gospel that we have. In the midst of all this pain, we have experienced a joy that is indescribable! Once Heavenly Father opened my eyes and has allowed me to see what growth we have experienced then things in my life began to be light again. My ability to serve my family is increasing and my physical strength is returning. I miss Noah everyday of my life but I can finally see what Heavenly Father has been teaching me all along. Noah's mission was to gain a body and teach us what pure love is...he has now returned with honor and wants nothing more than for us to share that love with each other and others. He is waiting for us and he will always be in our lives. We will have him for eternity and though my heart longs for him everyday, I can clearly see that he wants me to lift up my head and continue moving forward with faith. He wants his dad and I to never give up and to teach his brother and sisters the simple, beautiful truths of the gospel. He wants us to hold to the iron rod and never walk away from what we hold most dear. He is waiting, he is teaching, he is preparing for each of us. We will not disappoint him. We will continually pray for strength thru trials and for the blessings of Heaven to rest upon us. We will never give up and move forward with faith in every footstep. I can finally see clearly the lessons that Heavenly Father has wanted me to learn. I will strive for more faith, more knowledge and more trust in His will for me. I am thankful for the power of prayer and the strength of the temple. It has been a lamp unto my feet.

1st Day of Seminary!!!

It's that time of year again....seminary began today! This is Emily's third year and Lauren's first..I wanted everyone to see that Lauren actually GOT UP at 5:00 in the morning! They got up without complaint this morning and left ready for their first day of seminary! I know they will be blessed for sacrificing sleep to participate in seminary! It will be a huge blessing in their life!!!

Emily and Lauren getting ready to drive off!

Lauren walking out to the car!

Lauren and Emily all ready to go!

Lauren doing some of her chores before they leave!

Lauren checking her own bloodsugar when she got up!

Mikey's Story!

Michael never ceases to amaze me. We started school today and I told Michael that he could write whatever story he wanted to because he has such a great imagination and I would check it for grammer and spelling. He handed this story into me today that he just thought up on his own....it's so good that I just had to share it.....

"My eyes are listless and my face souless. I cannot imagine the unbearable pain to arrive when the execution comes. I look through the steel bars of my jail cell, the brick wall and stained gray floor giving me no comfort.

A guard comes in, smiling cruelly. His face looks almost amused by my unhappiness. He roughly grabs my bony arm and gestures to the open door of the cell. I stand and a Roman guard drags me into the hall.

Suddenly, my sadness begins to die out, and a sort of emptiness replaces it. As I stare at the stone wall just yards away, I realize my feelings are not due to my death, but I instead weep for the sins of the people.

For today is the day I die for my religion."

Well there you go...I typed it EXACTLY as he wrote it! I guess I am just shamelessly boasting about him but I am always blown away by his work when he writes from his imgination or from his heart. Just thought I would share...he is gonna end up teaching me...hahahaha!

"Never underestimate the Fat Guy"

Okay...we ended our Family Home Evening tonight with Michael telling us he could do jumping jacks so he did 40 for us. Jeff said he could do 50 and everyone started laughing so he HAD to prove to us that he could do it! Below, you can watch him doing his 50 jumping jacks....Kim would be so proud...hahaha! As Jeff said at the end of the video..."Never underestimate the fat guy"....I hope you are all as entertained as we were...it was a fun way to end our FHE....enjoy!!!

Only my Lauren!!!!

Well, you would think after almost 15 years that I would learn that once Lauren gets something in her mind, she is DETERMINED to do it no matter what the obstacle or the consequence! Now many of you who read this may remember when Lauren was THREE and she had this beautiful soft hair with bangs that it took me GREAT pains to get the perfect length! She decided one day that she would cut it and she DID...right to the scalp and we had to end up cutting her hair into a pixie cut because it was all she could do. Her Aunt Kim actually made her a couple of hats to wear until we could get it to grow out (which took a couple of of YEARS!) So...I thought she surely had learned her lesson....what was I thinking????? Lauren told me a couple of days ago that she wanted to get her hair cut...ok I told her...it's her hair, she can wear it how she wants to as long as she keeps it neat. I told her we would talk the next day about what she wanted....well, I woke up the next morning and left early to go run some errands with Momma before the kids got up...while I was gone, Lauren called her dad to tell him that she had waited until we all went to bed the night before and put her hair up in a ponytail and cut it off! She wanted him to tell me! He told her that he didn't care about her hair but that she had gone behind our back and cut it which would cost her some priviliges for being defiant even about something so simple....I came home, we had a chat..she went to the hairdresser and got it shaped up into a very cute style and I have learned yet again that I have a VERY DETERMINED daughter who will do what she sets her mind to even though she faces oft times not good consequences....now only if I can turn that determination to the good......

Random thoughts....

While I am waiting up to give Lauren and Michael cornstarch I have some time and I thought I might just write down some thoughts that have been on my mind the last month. July turned out to be an incredibly difficult month for me which came as somewhat of a surprise to me. I have learned over the last two years though that it happens that way when I am not prepared to deal with the emotions. It has turned me somewhat upside down and I find myself struggling to get my footing back and turning to my scriptures for guidance and a renewal of my faith. I started off the month on vacation and that was wonderful but as always when the 6th of July rolled around, it brought with it a flood of memories and thus began my spiral downward. I tried so very hard to not give in to the tears and sadness but it soon became apparant that I was going to have to let the emotions come and deal with them. So many times I don't express to anyone when the hurt and pain of Noah's death overwhelm me and I go to my bedroom, shut and lock the door, and get on my kness and cry. I talk with Heavenly Father and I stay in my room until I can get over it then I wash my face, reapply my makeup and leave my room with a forced smile so no one will know. But somehow this last month nothing I did could replace the profound sadness that came over me. I went to the cemetary and looked at Noah's headstone and the tears came easily. I walked outside and let my thoughts wander hoping I could shake the somber mood but it just wouldn't lift. Michael and Noah's birthday rolled around and the day brought with it a flood of tears that morning, a forced happy mood that afternoon and evening, and a long prayer to help me get thru it all. I kept wondering why I just couldn't shake it .... it has been 2 years now... shouldn't I be "healed" as time has marched on? Then I realized the other night when I cried after my prayer with Jeff and I told him how I had been feeling....it's okay to cry, it's okay to still miss my baby, Jeff and I will never feel "complete" on this earth again and my heart will always have a space that is empty and longing. But..as Jeff told me, we go forward with faith because each step we take forward, we move closer to Noah. I know now that I will always have moments, or days, or maybe even weeks when the pain of not having Noah on this earth will be great and I have to let them come, deal with them and then move forward. I have found myself this past month wanting to remember every little detail about Noah...I have looked over and over again at his pictures, reliving special moments in my thoughts, opening the desk drawer in our room where I still keep a little pair of his socks and taking them out and rubbing them on my cheek, taking down the molds of his handprints and footprints and touching them over and over with my fingers so I can feel the little lines that were in his hands and feet. I touch each toe and each finger...the pain is real and seering and the tears stream down my cheeks and I can hardly catch my breath because the memories are so thick. Then I put it all back and I wipe my tears and call Jeff. I hear his voice and I know everything is going to be ok. He will come home and he will take me in his arms and he will let me have my memories and my tears and he will wipe them away and then we will pray and we will talk about Noah and we will laugh and my mood lightens and I move on. This was a hard month...one full of pain and now it is behind me and I will lock these feelings up for a while until they resurface again and I have to deal with them. This is how it is on my personal journey thru grief and I am learning that it's okay to have bad days, or bad weeks, or a bad month. I am learning that I am never alone even when I feel that way and that when I pick up my scriptures the peace returns and in my mind I see Noah dressed in white and he is smiling and he is happy and he is Celestial and I promise to strive harder to live the gospel more fully and be more obedient. I ponder and I am filled with gratitude that Heavenly Father sent him to me. Another step on this long road I never wanted to have to walk but I know that I do not walk alone.

Arrow of Light Ceremony!

Michael earned his Arrow of Light in cubscouts (the highest award you can earn in the cubscout program and the only patch that can be worn from the cubscout program on the official boyscout uniform)! There was a ceremony for Michael and his best friend, Tristan, to honor them for earning their Arrow of Light. We took at lot of pictures and are very very proud of Michael and his accomplishment. He persevered and finished all the requirements he needed to in order to earn his award! It was a great night!

Michael and Tristan during the bridge ceremony

Michael and Tristan during the bridge ceremony

Mom presenting Michael with his hiking stick!

Michael and Tristan with their arrows their Weblos leader made them!

Mom pinning the Arrow of Light badge on his new uniform

Michael being presented with his Arrow of Light Award

Michael earning a couple of other awards

Michael and Tristan during the ceremony

Michael being presented with his scout book!

Michael and Tristan

A Tradition Continues!

Today Momma and Nathan told Jeff and I that they had a gift for us. They wanted us to open it together so when we sat down in the living room, they handed me a yellow gift bag with tissue paper inside covering the contents. As I reached in the bag and pulled out the present, the tears began to flow when I saw the box for I knew what it contained. When I opened the box, there sat a blue set of scriptures with Noah's name embossed on the front. This would have been Noah's 8th birthday and as has been the tradition with all of the grandchildren when they turn 8 years of age, they receive a brand new set of scriptures. Even though Noah no longer has need for the scriptures on this earth, they still wanted him to have his own set as he is their last grandchild and thus they would have given each one a set. As I read what they wrote on the inside it brought tears because I knew what a gift of love this was and it meant the world to both Jeff and I. Jeff suggested I keep his scriptures on the table where his book that Kim made him is along with his pictures and several other special items. We placed them there and they will always be a constant reminder to us of the importance of reading them each day so we will one day be able to return and be with him for eternity. It was a special gift and made this particular birthday easier for me. Thanks Momma and Nathan....I love you and I know that Noah does!!!

Good Hair Day!

Okay...since I rarely have these and I love my new highlights and it was the perfect day to have a good hair day, I have to show off my hair! I love Sundays...esp. loved today since I haven't been to my ward in over a month between being in the hospital and then leaving the very next day out of the hospital for the beach, I haven't had a chance to catch up with anyone and so seeing everyone after a while was fun for me. I loved showing off my new highlights that LaNelle gave me and wouldn't you know that today my hair did exactly what I wanted it to...that in itself is a shock, esp. after looking at all the beach pictures and realizing that I don't have good hair in any of them and they forced me to drag out my Weight Watchers stuff (a whole other subject...but I digress)..anyway, so I thought I would try to take a snapshot with my webcam so I could remember my good hair day. It actually looked really good from the back but since I am not good at taking a picture of the back of my head, you will have to settle for the front..hahaha! So here is my good hair day...

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Our 2009 Myrtle Beach Vacation!

I do not even have the words to describe how great our vacation was this year! Two whole weeks with almost my entire extended family was incredible! I loved seeing and spending time with everyone! There are so many pictures that I would love to post but here are just some of our fun these past two weeks...we laughed and talked and visited and laughed some more and swam and ate and laughed even more. It was just what the doctor ordered for my family and we all came back home a little more tan or red in some cases and with a whole lot of wonderful memories to tuck away...we are already planning for next year. What a fabulous time was had by all.....here are some of our memories (there were probably close to a 1000 pictures taken combined by everyone so these are really just a few...)

Momma and Nathan with their light up cold drinks

Jeff and Pugslie hanging out at the campsite

Sarah Beth, Patti, Kyle and Kalib eating Sunday dinner
Heather enjoying her dinner on Sunday

Sisters..Kim, Kerry, Jean, and Libbi

Emily and LaNelle in the camper after Emily's new hairdo by LaNelle!

Momma and her four kids (Jean, Kim, Momma, Libbi, Floyd)

Jean, Jeff, Kim, Jerry, Libbi, Pete, Laurel, Floyd (Me and my siblings)

Momma and Nathan with our whole family

(5 were missing...Noah, Katie, Jacob, Jared, Kristin & Chloe)

Daddy and Dibbie with most of our family

Jeff and Jean on the beach!

(See, Jeff really did go on the beach..hehehe)

Jeff taking a break from the conversation on Sunday

afternoon to do some reading (and sleeping..haha)

Nathan on July4th waiting for Jeff's burgers!

Kim, Laurel, David, and Grandma on one of our

family dinner nights!

Michael and Sarah Beth out on the balcony!

Jeff cooking hamburgers on July 4th

(Jacob taking notes!)

Kim and Lauren in the condo!

Laurel, Floyd, Libbi, LaNelle, and Pete at

a family dinner night!

Will and Jean

Peter and his fiance Ellen

(our newest family member to be)

Steven playing with Kaitlyn in the sand!

Jean and LaNelle

My two best friends...aka as my sisters!

4 of my adorable great nieces and nephews

(Natalie, Carolyn, Kaitlyn, and Seth)

Daddy, Dibbie, Floyd, Jean, Kim, Libbi, and Kerry

Grandma and Natalie playing on the beach!

The balloons going up and up for my Noah!

Emily's new hair do after LaNelle got done!

Kerry, Jean, Libbi, Kim, and Laurel!

Kim giving advice as LaNelle finishes up my highlighting session!

One of our nightly talk sessions at the campsite!

Andrew, Connor, Gramps, David, Steven, Michael, and Jeff

David, Libbi, Pete, Floyd, and Andrew

Libbi and Beth on the beach!

Lauren under Aunt Libbi's nice cool tent on the beach!