Last night after Emily put my beautiful white tablecloth on my little table and sat Noah's tree on it, I began to decorate it. For whatever reason, it seemed particularly teary for me this year. With each ornament I hung on his tree the tears welled up more and more inside of me. Every ornament on that tree has some very real signifigance for me and as I looked at each one, I pondered over the person that gave it to him and what memory it brought back to them...there was the little sack of table salt, the golf cart, the camper, the "Cars" cars, the computer, the angel ornaments, the M&M, the toy ones, the white shirt with the missionary tag, and all evoked an emotional response from me but there were two that opened the floodgates...one was a silver one that said "2007" and it had red crystals on it...it had come with a note and it was beautiful and brought me to tears as I read it and remembered that that year will always be one that will only be remembered by me as the year my world turned upside down..then I looked at the red crystals and read the note and it reminded me that Christ will bring Noah back to me..then I smiled. The other were a handful of rainbow colored candycanes that also came with a note..I reread that note after I carefully hung each candycane and the tears came as I thought about Noah's "rainbow shirt" and how much he loved it...I could hardly ever get him to take it off long enough for me to wash it...then I thought about him running around in that shirt and the tears turned to laughter. Every year after I hang those ornaments, I re-read the notes...they are vivid reminders to me of how loved my precious Noah is and how he is still missed by not only me but others as well. Noah's tree is a constant reminder of not only him but of all the love that that tree respresents....it's an expression to me of how his life touched so many others and his memory and his legacy will go on and on and on. I sat down by my little tree last night with all the lights out and only the little "rainbow lights" on his tree shining and my eyes glazed over with tears as I thought about my precious boy....it was quiet in my house and then I looked down at the table where I had set everything up and under the tree was the plaque that was given me last year....it says, "because someone we love is in Heaven, we feel Heaven in our home" and I thought, "yes, that is so very true....he is always near". It was my quiet, reflective time...my time to just spend with Noah...how I miss him. I miss his smile, his laughter, his beautiful brown eyes and his gentle touch. I miss the sound of his voice as he would call my name and his delight over the smallest things. Yes, he is here...he is always near. I know that now more than I have ever known it.....everyone may only see a family of five when they see us but we are most definitely a family of six....he watches over us and although I can't see or hear him, I know he sees and hears me so I know he hears me when I talk to him. Merry Christmas my Noah...you are definitely my angel and will always be.
