Lauren's "Reporting" Debut!

Lauren got the opportunity to report from behind the scenes at the UNC Radio/Telethon this year...since she was already in the hospital, it was easy for her to do! She had a wonderful day and we wanted to share with everyone her reporting experience! We are so proud of her...she did a fabulous job!!!

Missing Noah....

Last night after Emily put my beautiful white tablecloth on my little table and sat Noah's tree on it, I began to decorate it. For whatever reason, it seemed particularly teary for me this year. With each ornament I hung on his tree the tears welled up more and more inside of me. Every ornament on that tree has some very real signifigance for me and as I looked at each one, I pondered over the person that gave it to him and what memory it brought back to them...there was the little sack of table salt, the golf cart, the camper, the "Cars" cars, the computer, the angel ornaments, the M&M, the toy ones, the white shirt with the missionary tag, and all evoked an emotional response from me but there were two that opened the floodgates...one was a silver one that said "2007" and it had red crystals on it...it had come with a note and it was beautiful and brought me to tears as I read it and remembered that that year will always be one that will only be remembered by me as the year my world turned upside down..then I looked at the red crystals and read the note and it reminded me that Christ will bring Noah back to me..then I smiled. The other were a handful of rainbow colored candycanes that also came with a note..I reread that note after I carefully hung each candycane and the tears came as I thought about Noah's "rainbow shirt" and how much he loved it...I could hardly ever get him to take it off long enough for me to wash it...then I thought about him running around in that shirt and the tears turned to laughter. Every year after I hang those ornaments, I re-read the notes...they are vivid reminders to me of how loved my precious Noah is and how he is still missed by not only me but others as well. Noah's tree is a constant reminder of not only him but of all the love that that tree respresents....it's an expression to me of how his life touched so many others and his memory and his legacy will go on and on and on. I sat down by my little tree last night with all the lights out and only the little "rainbow lights" on his tree shining and my eyes glazed over with tears as I thought about my precious boy....it was quiet in my house and then I looked down at the table where I had set everything up and under the tree was the plaque that was given me last year....it says, "because someone we love is in Heaven, we feel Heaven in our home" and I thought, "yes, that is so very true....he is always near". It was my quiet, reflective time...my time to just spend with Noah...how I miss him. I miss his smile, his laughter, his beautiful brown eyes and his gentle touch. I miss the sound of his voice as he would call my name and his delight over the smallest things. Yes, he is here...he is always near. I know that now more than I have ever known it.....everyone may only see a family of five when they see us but we are most definitely a family of six....he watches over us and although I can't see or hear him, I know he sees and hears me so I know he hears me when I talk to him. Merry Christmas my Noah...you are definitely my angel and will always be.

Thanksgiving/Black Friday!

I am so VERY VERY GRATEFUL that we were able to come home with Lauren from the hospital on Tuesday and that made for a very Happy Thanksgiving at our house! Since Lauren is now on 24 hour continuous feeds it is making her feel much better and her mother much more nervous...since we came home, I get up every hour or so throughout the night to check the tubing, bloodsugars, add more formula, flush the j-tube and so forth. We have put some safeguards in place and are working on others but in the meantime, I am just so glad to be home in my own environment with my family!!! I ALWAYS go Black Friday shopping with Momma and Emily so even though I am really tired, I still HAD to go! I slipped down one step yesterday (don't even ask me how because I don't know...) and my foot bent in half underneath me. At first it hurt like heck but I thought it would go away and I was determined a few hours later to go ahead with my shopping plan. We left the house at 11 pm on Thursday evening, hit Wal-Mart first then moved onto the other stores and I arrived back at home at 7 am this morning....needless to say my foot was THROBBING and when I took my sock off I knew I had done more damage than I thought! I did, however, get the bargins I went hunting for with the help from the son of a woman I met in line...bless him! It was another fun time (even with the foot pain) and I'm hoping my insistence at going out on Black Friday has not ended up with a broken bone in my foot! I love being home though and so glad my Lauren is feeling better! It's been a long 2 months with lots of emotional rollercoaster ups and downs but this year I cannot be more thankful for my wonderful family and the blessings that are mine...the Lord has blessed us to be home and Lauren to be on the road to recovery! Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!! :)

Emily and I on our way out the door

Shopping in Wal-Mart

My "hero" of the day, Trevor

Waiting in the checkout line

My poor swollen aching foot

Scary

Yesterday was a frightening day for our family! Yesterday morning Lauren's monitor went off at the nurse's station and when the nurse came to check on her, she was unresponsive and not moving! She immediately called a "Code Blue" and I prayed so hard. They were able to get her stablized and made the decision to move her down to the PICU so they could watch her closer. We spent 24 hours down in the PICU and came back up to the room today! I am so thankful for the power of prayer and for the love and support of so many. I don't know how I would have gotten thru this day without my family and friends. Jeff and I are grateful for the power of the priesthood that blesses not only Lauren's life but ours as well. We are thankful for the many prayers and fasting that have and are being offered in Lauren's behalf. We feel the strengthening power of prayer and know that the Lord is in control! It has been a long 2 days but tomorrow we are happy to celebrate Lauren's 16th Birthday! She is a fighter in every sense of the word and I am very thankful!

Settling in....

Dr. Muenzer came in yesterday and he is pleased with how well Lauren is handling the tube feedings. Her weight and color have improved. She has more energy than she has had in several months and he is pleased with her bloodsugar control at this point; however, he told me that as far as he is concerned, the clock has not even begun to "tick down" as he calls it. He wants her to be able to tolerate the feeding thru the tube during the day and then be able to drink her cornstarch overnight to maintain her bloodsugar levels so that she won't have to have the feeds 24 hours a day. So, as he told me yesterday, once we get to the point where she is on just her feeds during the day (no IV along with it) and taking her normal cornstarch amount overnight, then he wants to watch how well she does for at least a week before they do the surgery to insert the J-tube. That means it will more than likely be another 2 weeks before we get to surgery for the J-tube and then another week or more after the surgery to recover and get back to what her home regimen would be. We will more than likely be here until the 1st week in November if all goes well! Can I just say that we feel like we have moved in! I am already tired and by the end of this visit, I will probably have aged a 100 years....or at least I will feel like I have. The last few days have been an emotional roller coaster for Lauren...she is finally coming to terms with having to be hooked to a pump 15 hours a day and that is frightening to her on so many levels! She is afraid of the J-tube surgery, afraid about the pump itself, afraid that when she drinks the cornstarch again it is going to be more painful that she can tolerate and worried about her health in general. I have watched helplessly as she has struggled to get hold of herself and find her faith but she has done so. Yesterday Jeff and Duane came up and gave her a priesthood blessing which helped her tremendously! I could not help the tears from falling as I watched her sob with her daddy and then I watched Jeff and Duane tenderly talk to her and give her the love, support, and strength that she needed. Duane offered a beautiful prayer before he and Karen left and the spirit in the room was powerful! I witnessed last night the power of prayer and fasting and faith as Lauren got hold of herself and drank her cornstarch without complaint or fear and then was able to go to sleep peacefully! I watched my brave daughter face her fears with profound faith and assurance that all is going to be well. I felt as if angels were watching over her and strengthening her and my own faith was strengthened. Her doctors are working tirelesly in her behalf and between them and the strengthening power of faith, she is improving daily! It is a long road, but we are traveling it with complete trust in the Lord.

Some Better days...

The last few days have been better.....Lauren is up more and she is going upstairs to the teen room each day which makes me happy. She is consistently doing her physical therapy each day (even though she says it hurts her but I keep reminding her that the more she does it, the stronger she will get physically). Since I am trying to encourage her, I got my exercise DVD tapes up here so I am going to do my "Walk Away the Pounds" up here each morning so she will see me doing something good for me as well. I think it will help relieve the stress I feel as well. So far Lauren is doing very well on the feeds...they are going to go up here again a little today as we continue to work toward a goal of 100 cc/hr. So far she has not had any major diarrhea (which they are concerned about) and now they are watching her blood sugar control...that is a concern if her intestinal feeds will be able to maintain her bloodsugar control but I am choosing to have faith that all of this will work out. Lauren and I are watching conference together up here which is bringing a great spirit into our room. I am thankful for modern technology that allows me to be able to watch conference from anywhere as long as I have a laptop and can get wireless internet. It is truly a blessing for which I am most grateful! So even though we have a ways to go, for right now things are going very well and Lauren is improving everyday. I see the Lord's hand upon her and it gives me great comfort and peace. I don't even have the words of gratitude for everyone who is fasting and praying for her and our family but I do want all of you to know that the Lord is hearing and sending comforting peace and strength to us as quickly as He can. My heart is bursting with gratitude and my love of the Lord is increasing all the time. I am so thankful...so very thankful. I love you all.

Weary.....

Well, we have now been in the hospital with Lauren a little over a week and will probably be here for at least a few more weeks! My emmotions have been a roller coaster as I have met with her doctors and I have listed to their thought process and their concerns for Lauren. It has been difficult at times for me to hear their concerns but they know that I have to know what road lies ahead. I just have to keep having faith in the Lord and know that He is in control! They have started Lauren on the Nd feeds and are slowly increasing the rate each day! So far things are going okay. She had a good day yesterday and was up and out a lot but last night she was tired and achy and didn't feel well. Her blood sugars were dropping a little more than I wanted to see them so I had them up her rate until I saw them get back up a little. They gave her some muscle relaxants to relax her muscles last night and that seemed to help her fall asleep. She slept peacefully thru the night. I am thankful that things are looking up but I am also cautiously optimistic. Dr. Muenzer said last night that this is going to be a slow process and we will probably be here from 2 more weeks to a month if everything goes as they hope it will. I am continuing to pray for Lauren to be able to tolerate these feeds, for Dr. Muenzer to keep everyone on the same page, for the GI doctors to be directed in how they care for Lauren, and for Jeff and I to have peace and feel the direction of the Lord. This is a difficult period of time we are going thru and I am thankful for the many prayers that are being offered up in behalf of my precious Lauren and our whole family!

Selfless.....

Even though Lauren is fighting not only a bloodstream infection (which can completely wear you out), she is also battling this horrible stomach pain which is causing her not to be able to eat, yet she went to her nurse the other day (when she was also running a high fever) and told them that she wanted to make me a birthday cake for my birthday. The recreational therapist got involved and this afternoon after Lauren was upstairs in the recreational teen room for a couple of hours (after an exhausting day of testing), she came down carrying this chocolate cake that they had helped her make for my birthday. I was so overwhelmed that I could barely speak without crying....it was one of the most unselfish things Lauren has ever done. As hard as it is for me to be up here on my birthday, to know that even though she doesn't feel good, her heart was thinking of me, made my heart burst. I'm so blessed to have my children and for the joy they bring to my heart! I am so thankful for my little girl who put her needs to the side to try and celebrate this day for me. I love my Lauren!!!

Seeking, Pondering, Praying

Sometimes writing is what I do when I feel out of sorts so this is that kind of post. The last few weeks have been challenging not only for Lauren but for us as a family. Jeff and I really thought that bringing Lauren home from the hospital when we did was the right decision to make even though she was still struggling to overcome her stomach pain and eat again. I felt like once I got her home, then she would start eating but that didn't happen. We continued to force what we could down her and I pondered and wondered if we had made the right decision. Each day brought with it a different challenge and on some days it was all we could do to get liquid of any form down her. I fought back feelings of returning to the hospital and even though I accessed her port a cath and kept it accessed because I was worried about her becoming hypoglycemic, I still tried hard to keep her home. But watching her spiral downward was becoming more than I could bear and the emotional toll was weighing heavily on me. Finally this past week-end, I knew we had to do something as she was not making any progress and really going backwards. By Sunday night, Lauren had reached her breaking point. She cried with Jeff and I and told us how she didn't feel like she could continue struggling the way she was...she was exhausted. We talked endlessly to her of the love her Father in Heaven has for her and how He will never leave her to struggle alone. We asked her to pray and ponder and then the Lord would whisper to her what to do to overcome this monumental challenge. Jeff and I both felt helpless and I fled to the bathroom, dropped to my knees and cried many tears to the Lord in behalf of my little girl who was struggling to overcome the mountain that lay in front of her. The next morning I called Dr. Muenzer and he became insistent that she come in but I just didn't know if I could take another hospital visit. I began to pray and ponder then I turned to my family and friends and asked for their prayers in our behalf. We all felt like we had come to the end of our road and were hitting a brick wall. I felt defeated and alone....when Jeff and I talked, we both were unclear about what to do but we decided that if we trusted Dr. Muenzer then we had to follow his recommendations to us....I didn't sleep well Monday night because I replayed over and over in my mind what having a tube of any kind down Lauren might mean. It made me physcially sick and I prayed for strength to overcome my great fears. Jeff and I were both awake early yesterday morning and we talked for a while. I felt some peace return to me in his arms and I knew that whatever else, we had to do what was best for Lauren. She needed us to be strong for her and help her. Dr. Muenzer called me early Tuesday morning to tell me that they had a room for Lauren and she needed to come in. I got up and took a shower feeling a heavy weight on me and then I got a phone call from Becky...she asked me for Kim's number and said that she wanted to hold a 30 day fast for Lauren. She would get Kim to organize my family to fast each day and then our other friends would fill up the rest. She reminded me that we were not walking this road alone and that Heavenly Father would answer our pleas. It brought me to tears and I knelt in prayer with an overwhelming feeling of graititude in my heart. As I was packing to come, Lauren woke up from a nap and had fever....I knew then in my heart that coming back to the hospital was the right thing. I was so tired coming back in and the nurses up here on 6childrens were so overwhelmingly loving and kind. They have a deep love for Lauren and they knew how stressful things have been for our family. I was grateful for their love and compassion....they definitely make these hospital visits easier to deal with. We found out today that Lauren does have an infection in her bloodstream and they are running all kinds of IV antibiotics to her. It is a wrinkle in our plan but we will deal with it. It has definitely made my 4 or 5 day hospital stay turn into a 2 week minimum hospital stay...I'm not thrilled about that but definitely glad we are able to treat it. I'm not looking foward to them putting down an ng tube or having to do any kind of permanent tube...that is very difficult for me but the Lord is helping me to overcome that as I need to have Lauren better and whatever that takes, that is what we will do. I know the Lord hears our prayers and I pray he forgives my slackness at times because lately I have been more tired than normal and I need to work harder at doing all I can to live the gospel. Dr. Muenzer told me this afternoon that we are still facing an uphill battle and we are far from over but at least right now I feel the Lord's strengthening hand in my life and I know it is coming because of the multitude of prayers being offered in behalf of my family. There is no way I can possibly thank everyone for their love and support. I only hope they all know how much it means to me to have a wonderful family and fantastic friends whose love and support I could not live without. They make all our challenges easier because we know we do not walk alone.

Back to Normal???

Well, this week has been my week to get my act together and try to get our family back on a "normal" schedule. This last month our whole life seems to have been tumbling upside down and I have not been able to keep it all under control...BUT...this week, I was determined to get things together (in my mind at least) so I made a plan...I love to make a plan because at least I FEEL like I am doing something productive. Each day I decided to do a little something to get us back on track. Jeff started his new job this week, Emily gets up before dawn and goes to seminary so I put my "plan" to get things organized into action. I sat for several hours on Monday at the computer putting my lesson plans for the school year into a calendar format so I would know what we would need to accomplish each day. I cleaned the kitchen, the bathrooms, the laundry room, caught up the laundry and gave my kids a list of things to accomplish, studied for my seminary class and taught it on Wednesday evening (even though Lauren was the only one who came so we made Michael participate..hehe)! I even managed to get Lauren to sit with me while we cleaned up her "art space" (a HUGE accomplishment) so I was feeling like life was getting back to normal and then today hit and it reminded me what our "normal" is....I fixed breakfast and actually got Lauren to eat some grits (her favorite breakfast food) but they didn't stay down but a few minutes...that started us on a downward bloodsugar spiral that ended up with me accessing her port and praying that we would not be going to the hospital yet again! After I watched her closely for hours and checked umpteen bloodsugars all while doing school with Emily and Michael, finding time to do the laundry, keep the house in order, check in with Dr. Muenzer to give him an update on Lauren and beg him to let me watch her at home, "listen" to my scriptures while I ironed some clothes, cook dinner and send Jeff off to do something for one of home/visiting teaching families, I sat down and realized that this is what normal is to us and I might as well just enjoy it..haha! I still have more studying to do to prepare for seminary next week and I am up late waiting to give cornstarch but my prayers tonight were full of thanksgiving...for Jeff having a good job, for Lauren being able to maintain her bloodsugar control, for having the energy to clean my house, cook dinner, do homeschooling and for the opportunity to serve another person. My life may not be what other people consider "normal" but it sure is wonderful to me and I am thankful for my "abbynormal" (as Jeff calls it) life! It constantly reminds me of my dependence on the Lord and for that I am extremely grateful!!! :)

Thankful!!!

As I write this my eyes are watering because I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for answers to my prayers. I wonder sometimes why we aren't given things immediately when we pray for them but I do know that Heavenly Father hears our prayers and answers them in His wisdom and timing. This past week, I have been so discouraged that even when I turned to my scriptures, even though they gave me peace, I didn't see how we were going to survive yet another downturn in our economic situation. Jeff and I sat in the temple together and we prayed together, as a family, and individually for direction and for a way to open up. There just seemed to be nothing...and then out of nowhere, Jeff's old boss called him and wanted to talk...Jeff went and today he sent Jeff an e-mail that they want to hire him back. He will be going to talk with Bruce on Monday. It isn't the perfect scenario but it surely is a huge blessing for us at this point in our lives and I could not be more grateful to Heavenly Father for lighting a path that seemed so dark just a few days ago. I know that if we just keep having faith, even when that faith seems so weak, that Heavenly Father will bless and sustain us. I know that as we continue in faith, the Lord will pour out his blessings upon us and we will feel the windows of Heaven continue to open. My heart is full of gratitude. Thank you all for your prayers in our behalf...once again, the Lord has never let us down...my testimony of His ultimate power continues to grow! I know this job came as a result of many prayers and much faith! I am very thankful!!!

Home at last!

Just a quick post to let everyone know who reads my blog that we are finally home from the hospital. After praying and pondering about what to do, Jeff and I sat down with the doctors and we made a really hard push to get Lauren home. I was a little worried at first that I might be pushing her too hard but everytime I prayed, I felt that it was right so we forged ahead, and with relatively no problems (which the doctors were sure we were going to encounter), we were out of the hospital within 24 hours of our decision to make a big push! Jeff and I were pleasantly surprised on Sunday afternoon when Lauren started eating "real" food again and she has done amazingly well! She is regaining her strength and we can tell the Lord is blessing her in many ways. I am so thankful for the power of prayer and that when I really stop and listen, the Lord allows me to feel my decisions regarding her are right. Jeff and I stood united with the doctors and felt strengthened as we worked together on the right plan. Thank you all for your prayers and love. We have felt them very strongly and appreciate your continued support of our family! So glad to be home and getting somewhat back to normal!!!

Accupuncture!!!!

Well, we are trying an unconventional method that I have done some research about to help pain...mostly they do it for headache pain (which Lauren always has even when it gets better). So, I found out that UNC has a Certified Accupuncturist on staff and they consulted him at my request to come see Lauren. He came today and put those little itty bitty needles in her head, on her shoulders, her feet and all over her stomach! He left them there for 30 minutes and had her rest quietly. After 30 minutes, he took them off and asked her how she felt. She told him that her head and shoulder pain were GONE!! Oh yay!! It didn't work with her stomach pain but he said he wants to bring her some kind of herbal supplement and mabye do another treatment on Wednesday!!! Anyway...it was worth at least trying so I was happy to have Dr. Chen take a poke at her! She was really good about it....he wants to see if it keeps her head pain away so we'll find out! At least we have one issue resolved this time around!!! I wonder if they have accupuncture for fat people...maybe it would make me not want to eat....oh wait, I think that is hypnosis or an even better idea would be to just stop eating..hahahahaha! Oh well, can you tell I am tired?????? Here is a picture below of Lauren getting her treatment...

TIRED!!!

The last few days have been very tiring for me. Although Lauren's head pain is much better, her stomach pain is fierce and unrelenting. The last several nights she has not been able to sleep thru the night because of the pain and so we both have had very restless nights. It has been a difficult several days. Yesterday, Brother Smith came up and extended me a calling from the stake as a seminary teacher. Although I am excited to teach, I am more than overwhelmed at the huge responsibility it is and wondering how I am ever going to get it all done with all that we have on our plate already. I am very overtired so it doesn't take much to push me over the top right now emotionally. In fact, Dr. Muenzer came in this morning with Dr. Muge and the other doctor (can't remember her name) that is following them and I burst into tears. I love them because they know how exhausting both physically and mentally it can be for us up here. Dr. Muge is taking over for Dr. Muenzer and she has some more ideas that she thinks may help Lauren in the long run. They have called in the "Pediatric Pain Team" and they have put her on a "pain pump" that she can push every 10 minutes and will give her a controlled amount of pain medication over the next 24 hours so they can see how much she needs. Tomorrow afternoon they will then take that information and transfer that to a "pain patch" which will give her a controlled dose throughout the day. Because Lauren has "chronic pain", they are going to work with her to find a way to control her pain and get her better at home as well! Her "attending" doctor this week is wonderful and I got a really good feeling talking to him. He is talking with Dr. Muge and together they will all work to come up with a good plan for Lauren. Dr. Meyer came up this afternoon to visit with her and we all feel like we are now on the same page. I am just really tired and want to get Lauren better! I am hoping that we won't be here for another month! Please pray for our family that other areas of our life will also be resolved as we press forward with faith! I feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders right now....I know we will get thru this time, it is just a lot right now!!! I continue to pray for more faith and trust in the Lord! Thanks everyone for your love and prayers! I love you all!!

Hospitalitis....

Sometimes I get what I like to call hospitalitis....it's a condition I always get when I have been in the hospital for more than 10 days and the end doesn't look close! I KNOW that Lauren will get better and things always improve but the waiting for her to take that corner is often wearing and frustrating. It hasn't helped this visit that I have had to come up against yet another "hospitalist" (doctor that works for the hospital) who thinks he knows more than Dr. Muenzer and can figure out how to "fix" her. When he realizes that she is more complicated that he believed, then he gets frustrated and tends to take that frustration out on her and then I HAVE to get involved and set him straight. I try so hard to be kind, patient, understanding, and flexible but when it comes to her healthcare I will not allow anyone to do anything I feel in my heart is wrong for her. I also don't let another doctor override anything Dr. Muenzer says. Sometimes I get tired of fighting this fight but in the end I am always grateful for the help I recieve when I pray and ask for guidance in making correct decisions in dealing with Lauren. She is making VERY SLOW progress ... her headaches have improved greatly and now we are dealing with her stomach pain which is always a huge issue! I worry about the medications that they are giving her to help her pain...I know they are helping but I don't want her to get dependent on them or them to cause more problems in the long run (there is always something for me to worry over....). Dr. Muenzer doesn't want me to worry about it and he wants her to be comfortable while trying to get over this cycle but I still worry about it. So, that is where we are...trying to get thru yet another long and difficult stay. I am always thankful for the wonderful nurses here who make our stays easier to deal with. They treat us like family and so for that I am always thankful!! Life is just pretty stressful now and unfortunately we are getting used to living with a certain amount of stress! I'm just ready to be home with my family and so is Lauren! In the end, it will all work out (or at least I keep telling myself that over and over and over again!!!)

Hospital.....again....

I hadn't decided whether or not I was going to write a post about yet another hospital visit but this is my blog where I get to speak out about things in my life so I'm gonna go ahead and update...first off, we came in last Tuesday because after a week of unrelenting pain in Lauren's head and stomach with her blood sugars all over the map, we called Dr. Muenzer and he insisted we come in and have Lauren admitted. I am always prepared for a longer stay than I hope and it is turning out that this stay isn't going to be any different than the last ones. I am trying not to get frustrated but it gets hard sometimes. Lauren's blood work is not terrible but there are some things in it that make the doctors notice...her liver enzymes were elevated when she came in so they redid them this morning and they are a little bit higher. Because of that, they are going to draw some blood and make sure she doesn't have some kind of viral hepatitis going on or something (I'm praying that it won't be yet another thing). They are also concerned since she hasn't eaten anything since last Tuesday. She drinks water but every time she eats, she says that it hurts her stomach and she feels nauseous. They have a different medication they are going to put her on every 6 hours that is supposed to quell nausea and increase appetite. So....we are going to try and get her to take small sips of Boost and they may (much to my trepidation) put an ng tube down and run some liquid food to her to see if her stomach can tolerate small amounts. Jeff and I are still really unsure about that and Dr. Muenzer told me that if I didn't (or Lauren couldn't) want to do it that way, then they would have to go with TPN (nutrition thru the IV....which comes with it's own set of side effects) so I am unclear about which way to go. Just the thought of an ng tube is unsettling to me but it would be in a controlled environment with the IV running to maintain her blood sugar levels. The dhe protocol that has worked at times in the past for Lauren's migraines doesn't seem to be working this time so they will stop that tomorrow and they may try her on magnesium and caffeine thru the IV...once again, don't know if it will work but they want to try it! All of this guessing and trial and error, although I understand at times is necessary to try and find a solution, is wearing and frustrating. I'm trying to remain positive and upbeat and remember President Hinckley's counsel that "it will all work out." I just keep having to say that over and over and over.......

Michael's Special Day

Sunday was a special day in our family as Michael turned 12! He was ordained to the Aaronic Priesthood this past Sunday by his dad. I switched between two emotions this day..I was so happy to see Michael be worthy to receive the priesthood and to see his dad be able to bless him and ordain him which brought tears as I watched Jeff place his hands on Michael's head and saw both their faces...I also knew that Noah was surely present at the important step in Michael's life. My second emotion also brought tears as I thought that I would no longer have children in primary and how my kids were growing up way too fast! Overall it was a very happy day and I was grateful that Gramps and Grandma along with Aunt Libbi and her family could be there to witness Michael's advancement. I am grateful and humbled by my son's obedient nature and his prepardness to advance to the Aaronic Priesthood. I know how hard he has worked to complete his Faith in God and how he is worthy in every way! I am thankful for the gospel and I am especially grateful to now say that I have 2 priesthood holders in my home, both who carry their responsibilities with honor!

My Superheroes!!!

July 28th....a very special day for me!! Twice on this day I have been blessed with an adorable little boy!!! In 1998 the Lord sent to our family a chubby, happy, exhuberant little boy named Michael who brought laughter and joy wherever he went. His big grin that lit up his whole face was a delight to everyone that encountered him and today as he turns 12 and prepares to receive the priesthood he carries that same face splitting, eye squinting grin and has the most tender and pure spirit. He brings love and laughter into our home everyday and I could not be more proud to be his mom! He is pure delight and brings me great joy every single day! He is a super hero to me because he teaches me about how to find joy in all things! Happy Birthday Mikey...I love you!
In 2001 the Lord again blessed me on this day with my precious baby, Noah! He came here quickly and his pure and gentle spirit touched everyone he came in contact with. His big brown eyes could melt your heart in a second and as he would climb up in my lap and snuggle with his hand on my cheek, all my worries would fade away. His sweetness could calm my worries as he placed his hand in mine and his determination to have everything done correctly taught me much about order in a chaotic world. He was taken from me too soon and I miss his big smile! He was a superhero to me because he taught me how to prioritize my time and put the most important things first. Today he looks at me from the other side of the veil and I feel him ever near. Happy Birthday Noah....I miss you and I love you!
So today I celebrate the lives of these two wonderful little boys who brought to our home many blessings that we feel everyday. We are grateful for these, our super heroes in everyway...they bless our lives with their examples and we are happy to be doubly blessed on this the 28th day of July! We are very thankful! Happy Birthday my precious, precious boys!!!

Vacation 2010

We had a good time on our annual retreat to Lakewood Campground! I was going to upload pictures but for whatever reason it isn't working so this post will have to do without pictures...sorry! I did put an album on facebook though so if you have a facebook account, you can see them there..haha! As always we enjoyed getting visits from my extended family and I got to see my brother, sisters, parents, some of my nieces and nephews and the Bailey great neices and nephews...it was so much fun! Libbi and the twins came and stayed 3 days with us and we really enjoyed them so much! Michael loved having Connor to pal around with and Sarab Beth had a great time with Lauren and Emily! Libbi made me laugh and I got to ride around in the golf cart (even in the rain) and enjoy talking and talking and talking! Momma and Nathan spent the week with Kim but came and spent several days with us! Daddy and Dibbie came and even brought BoJo to visit with us (Puglsie was really curious about BoJo...haha)! I enjoyed each visit and was happy to have everyone come and make our vacation special again this year. It was a very rough year for me this year on the anniversary of Noah's death and I was very grateful that the Bailey's came to visit and entertain us that day! Sending up balloons for Noah is so important to me and Kim came and brought his favorite smiley face balloons for us to release in his memory. I am thankful for her thoughtfulness and for being able to remember my precious baby on that day that brings so many tears to me. The wonderful ocean breeze and salt air was like a balm to my soul. I am thankful that we get to spend 2 weeks each year at the beach....especially during this time of the year....it is my oasis from the stresses of everyday life and I come home grateful for my wonderful family and for the joy they bring to me!

Spray Tan!

We are leaving for the beach in 2 days and I wanted to go to the beach looking like I had somewhat of a suntan and I am so fair skinned that I burn easily so I decided to get a spray tan! I got it done professionally yesterday and I LOVE IT!! It is pefect and I will feel like I have been at the beach all summer! I recommend it to anyone who does not want to get out in the sun or who doesn't tan well! Yes, I know some of you think it is frivilous and crazy but it sure made me feel better going to the beach! I can't lost 150 pounds in 2 days but I at least can tan all this fat so it will look better...hahahaha!!! Oh well....here is a picture so at least you can get a glimpse of my great tan...I am very happy!!! And now, I can't wait to get to the beach!! ;)

Counting down the days.....

We have had our share of stress over the last couple of months, so I am looking forward to our yearly trek to Lakewood Campground, my "get away from the world and the noise" place that allows me to sit back, relax, soak up the sun, and spend time completely enjoying my family in a very unrushed atmosphere! So...we are now on the countdown and I am praying that everyone will stay well and healthy and all will be well so we can enjoy our 2 weeks at the beach!!!

Missionary work!

So...this morning I woke up with a million things on my mind....totally forgetting that Callie and I (we are the ward missionaries) had scheduled an appointment with a young girl who has just gotten baptized in our ward to start the new member discussions. I jumped in the shower to get ready to go for Momma to come get me to get Lauren's blood drawn and in walks Callie at the same time as Momma....that is when I remembered!!!! So, long story short, Callie ends up running Lauren and I to the lab to get her blood drawn and then Callie and I went to our appointment. I felt so close to tears because I had not remembered the appointment with everything else going on this week and had not had a chance to even look at the "Preach My Gospel" book so I just grabbed my scriptures and prayed for the Lord's spirit to be with me. Before we went in, Callie and I had a prayer and asked the Lord to be with us since it had been a long time since we were missionaries! It felt so good to talk about the Plan of Salvation and the Restoration! Even though it had been a long time since I had done any type of "missionary work", the spirit that I felt today was the same as it always was. It was sweet and strong and brought me to tears. I forget how much I love to share the gospel with others! The Lord will always help us (even when we are totally unprepared like I was today) if we are willing. It also reminded me of how important it is to read my scriptures everyday so that I am always ready to share the gospel message! I love being a ward missionary...not only do I get to help other people in the ward get excited about missionary work, I also get to go into new members homes and share the beauty of the gospel plan in greater depth! I love seeing their face light up and feeling the spirit as it testifies of gospel principles. I also love seeing the joy new members have as they embrace the beauty of the gospel in their lives and love to hear them share their growing testimonies! So even with all the confusion this morning, I am thankful that the Lord's spirit touched our hearts and helped us bring the spirit with us....it has made for a great day!

Temperate!

I have been so down the last few days....I have been focusing more on the challenges that we have and less on the great blessings that have (and are) being poured out on my family. I pondered that today and then went to my Heavenly Father in prayer....I asked for His forgiveness and prayed for the ability to focus once again on what I have and not on what I don't. I have been reading in the Book of Alma lately in the BOM and I have consistently had one word stand out at me over and over...it is "temperate". I looked it up and have read all the scriptures associated with that word...it's something I want to be, something I am not...I want to be steady and serene...calm, unwavering, conistently obedient, even keel. I like that word, in fact I love that word....I am trying hard to be more temperate in my life, with my children, in the gospel, in my marriage.

I have the opporutnity to go to the temple each Friday with a friend of mine and I love it. I listen carefully when I sit inside those walls and I come away pondering my ability to be temperate in all things....because I have been pondering so much on that word lately, I decided to do a FHE on this subject so tonight in FHE we talked about the 5 wise and 5 foolish virgins and how we can continually fill our lamps with oil. I asked the kids to each draw a picture of an oil lamp and write at the top "Drop by Drop" and that would remind them of President Kimball's counsel to us that each thing we do such as saying our daily prayers, reading our scriptures, attending sacrament, being kind, serving others, etc. added daily to our oil lamps and increased our desire to be like Christ. If we keep in the front of our minds the little things that increase our faith and we do them consistently then we will be like the wise virgins. I have thought about people in my life that are consistently obedient and I am grateful for their examples...I have learned so much.

I know it may seem like that lesson didn't go with my word, temperate...but it did because the five wise virgins were temperate in all things...they were faithful, diligent, consistently obedient, and prepared. I am trying so hard to learn this one principle in my life...if I can become "temperate in all things" as it says in Alma 7:23: "And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive."
I know that the Lord wants us to be temperate and that is what I am trying so very hard to do now...the more I read and study, the more I realize I need to be better. Going weekly to the temple, reading daily in my scriptures, praying in private, in my family and always in my heart keep in the forefront of my mind how dependent I am on the Lord and His mercy and grace. I am thankful for my blessings and I will strive harder and harder to be temperate, to be grateful, and to always realize that I can be better each day. I will fill my lamp drop by drop each day with the Lord's help. I pray we all will!

Mothers Day 2010

This has been a wonderful mothers day week-end! On Saturday, we spent most of the day running around getting everything for the mothers at church and I enjoyed spending all that quality time with Jeff! Jeff is grilling out steaks for dinner today and we are having baked potatoes and salad along with a yummy strawberry trifle dessert. Below are some pictures of our day...I love all the mothers in my life and am grateful for their influence...I am especially grateful for my own wonderful mother!!! I am also grateful for my wonderful children who have brought me more joy than I can put into words! Happy Mothers Day!

Jeff getting the steaks ready for the grill!

Jean with my yellow corsage Jeff brought me to remind me of Noah and my picture of my baby!

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Michael's Hospital Visit!

Last week turned out to be a very eventful week at our house! Last Monday, I went to flush Michael's port a cath (like I do every month) and it would not flush! I pushed a little harder...nothing...so I took out the needle and called Dr. Muenzer. He quickly got us in touch with the surgical nurse and we made a trip over to their clinic that same day. They tried to flush it, no luck so they put some medicine in it to try and help...nothing! The next day we made arrangements to have Michael come over to UNC Children's on Thursday evening and they would do the surgery to take the old one out and put the new one in on Friday. The surgery lasted a little over an hour and when Michael got back up to the room, they checked his blood sugar and it was 44....uh oh..that was a little scary but I quickly got them to get him some coke and he ate pretzels, it came up, the IV came out and we got him quickly under control...I will have to go the recovery room the next time (Jeff lost his recovery room duty..haha)! Anyway, Michael's bloodsugars stayed up and we were able to bring him home that afternoon! He is still recovering...taking it easy as they had to root around and fix some scarring before they could put it a new port so the site is bruised and tender still but other than that, he is great as you can see from the picture! We are grateful for the prayers in his behalf and are very glad that all is now well! We never know what is going to happen from one week to the next around here so we are always on our toes! We are hoping for a very uneventful summer unless the event is Jeff getting a permanent job with great benefits...that would be perfect! Other than that, we are happy and moving forward with faith!!

Fun Day!!

Jeff and I went to the "Measures of Faith" Food Drive and 5k Fun Run today! We had a good time and I was happy that I walked it in 63 minutes (that was a 21 minute mile...I was hoping for a 20 minute mile but...)! We had a great time and my wonderful friend, Jane, after running the course in 30 minutes, walked back to meet me and walked the rest of the way with me...she even gave me the courage to jog across the finish line! I love my wonderful encouraging friends and my fabulous husband who didn't even break a sweat and walked the whole way with me (bad knees and all..hehe)! I am now nursing two REALLY BIG blisters on the bottom of my feet but it was so much fun and I loved seeing all my friends from the stake!!! It is a great day to give service to the Food Bank of NC and fellowship with lots of others who share my same values and love of service! Jeff and I left from there and went to my friend, Jackie's house to help her get ready for her son's wedding next week! We were happy to do a few things that she wanted to get done! Jeff is now taking a shower to get ready to go to a baptism and I am going to put my feet up since walking on them with these blisters is extremely painful...I may try to go to the baptism anyway!! It has been a great day and it reminds me again of how much fun it is to serve others....I think we are happiest when we can do for others!!! Life is good!!!

Very Thankful!

It is with a very thankful heart that I write this post. Yesterday, Jeff was able to get a contract job that can last as long as the end of the year or until he finds a more permanent job or it could possibly turn into a permanent job. Either way...we feel very grateful for the blessing of the Lord on our family. My heart has been full of prayers and I have spent much time in the temple, reading my scriptures and pondering. Jeff has remained full of faith and has believed this whole time that the Lord is leading us along and He is always with us. We are so grateful for the many friends and family who have been praying with us and are immensely grateful for the love we have felt from so many. We are blessed beyond what I can even comprehend at times. The Lord is pouring out blessings from Heaven to us not only temporally but spiritually as well. Jeff and I both have felt a great deal of strength and we know that we are being lifted and carried thru each challenge that we face. The Lord has blessed us so much and all I can be is thankful! I have a testimony of the power of prayer to lift and help us when we face difficult times and I know that as long as we remain faithful and obedient to what we know to be true while consistently repenting of our mistakes along the way that the Lord will lead us along and help us thru our journey here! I am so thankful for my Father in Heaven and His all powerful hand that holds us up and helps us here on earth. I am not only thankful but humbled by His love and mercy to me and my family. I will continually strive harder to please Him and live more obediently His commandments.

Great Week-end!!!!

This has been the greatest week-end! Kim and Jerry and David came up this past Wednesday and stayed thru the week-end. We have had such a good time getting the chance to visit with them. On Friday, Jeff and I went to the temple with Momma, Nathan, Kim and Jerry! It was so wonderful to get to be in a session with my family. Afterwards Kim and Jerry treated us out to lunch and we got to spend a great afternoon! Yesterday and today we had the privilege of watching all the sessions of general conference. I have come away from this conference so uplifted and so determined to be better and try harder! I am thankful for all the messages that spoke of the Lord's love for us and how to better strengthen our families. I am thankful for the messages of hope and faith to help us when we face challenges and how to manuever thru difficult times in our life. I loved the closing remarks of President Monson when he quoted one of my favorite scriptures...."Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
I can't think of a better way to sum up all that was said in this conference! I love the words of our beloved prophet! His counsel to look to the Lord and his light as we face the crumbling morality of the world around us gave me courage! It has been a wonderful week-end full of good counsel and I feel like I can face the future with faith and hope. I loved being able to spend this time with my family and I know that the Lord is in control! What a great way to start a new week!!! Happy Easter everyone!!!

Gratitude and Stress!!!!

Well, first of all, I am grateful that we are finally home after 32 days in the hospital. I am so glad that Lauren is feeling better and that she was able to overcome her stomach pain. Many prayers were sent up in her behalf and they were all answered. We are grateful for each one. Now, we face yet another challenge....Jeff is once again faced with unemployment. The economy has hit his industry particularly hard and rebounding from it has been extremely difficult. Jeff is blessed with many talents and abilities and the Lord continues to bless him as he uses his talents for good so it is very hard for me to watch him once again struggling to find a good job that appreciates his talent and ability. He has had so much to shoulder in the last few years that my heart aches to see us once again face another uphill climb! I am trying to face the future with faith and complete trust in the Lord but I am finding it hard this time around. We are going to the temple tomorrow and I am hoping that I can sit in that beautiful house of the Lord and find the strength that I feel is lacking in myself right now...it is so important to me right now to get to the temple...in every stressful situation in my life in recent years I have gone there to find my center and to strengthen my faith when it feels like I am faltering so tomorrow I will sit within those walls and I will ask the Lord to strengthen my family and give me courage to face our very uncertain future. I am looking forward to general conference this week-end. It will be a boost to me as I listen to our prophet and the general authorities remind me where to find my faith and I will be strengthened. I know that the Lord is aware of my family and I know that He will not leave us alone....He is always there. I also know His promises are sure. Faith, I have to remember, is an action word!

Faith!

Lately I have been thinking and pondering what faith really is...does it mean that if we have have faith then everything that we pray for will be answered the way that we hope it will? I would like to say yes, that is it, but it's not. Faith is an action word I am finding. President Henry B. Eyring said one time in a talk..."great faith has a short shelf life" so I figure in order to keep "great faith", we have to work on it all the time. I think sometimes when we pray for more faith (as I have been doing lately) that Heavenly Father allows us to have experiences with which we are asked to exercise faith, even when the challenges seem insurmountable and it takes a huge amount of faith to go forward, to gain "great faith". I also read a talk to today by Elder Jeffrey Holland entitled Remember Lot's Wife....I recommend it to everyone, anyway, he says in his talk when he talks about Lot's wife, " She doubted the Lord's ability to give her something better than she had." He also said that "faith is always pointed to the future." So, with that in mind, I have thought that if we show faith in Heavenly Father and His ability to give us better than what we have, even when the future that we can see is scary and uncertain, and even bleak, then we will stretch and grow and expand our limited ability to understand and we will gain "great faith"! That is what I have decided to do...I prayed for more faith, for more strength and Heavenly Father is allowing me to stretch and grow and expand my faith and thru all this stretching and growing and expanding, I will gain strength because I will exercise all the spiritual muscles that I have to stand up in the face of overwhelming challenges and say, I know where my strength lies....and "I CAN DO ALL THINGS thru Christ who strengtheneth me"....and that is what the bottom line is for me....all I have is my faith and I will not abandon it for if I show Heavenly Father that I trust him and I will follow Him, then He will take my little faith and turn it into "great faith". So what I have learned about faith is this...to believe and trust that Heavenly Father has not nor will ever leave us alone, and we have to exercise faith to help it grow. Experiences that are hard give us those opportunities to exercise that faith so I pray that I will rise to the challenges that we now face in our family. Jeff and I are united in our belief that the Lord is in control and He will lead us where we need to be...the road may be narrow, rocky, and hard but we will walk it hand in hand and not look back, because "great faith" always points to the future!

Pondering

Sitting up in the hospital gives me a lot of time to ponder....I don't spend as much time watching the tv or even with it on as I used to. I read my scriptures and I am right now reading a book entitled, "Be not Afraid"....that phrase always reminds me of Noah's favorite picture that we used to look at during sacrament. Even thinking about those days brings me to tears but as I have been reading this book, it reminds me that we are never alone even when we may feel so. It is reminding me that the Lord is always mindful of us, he always listens to our prayers and He knows our hearts. I sometimes feel helpless when I see Lauren struggling thru pain that no one can really resolve and she has to pull it together and learn to deal with it. I watch helplessly as she looks at me with those pleading eyes of hers and I read to her from the Book of Mormon and I go into the bathroom and kneel and pray for her relief and ask the Lord to comfort her in the way only He can. I call Jeff and he reassures me that the Lord is in control and all will be well. I wait for her to make that turn and feel better and I tell her it is just around the corner. Then I watch as she finds her courage and strength and she rises above the pain and finds a place to put her pain so she can deal with it again and the tears come because I know the Lord is helping her go forward....the doctors and nurses don't understand what I do about Lauren...they don't understand that her inner strength comes from her Father in Heaven..they don't appreciate that when she struggles with her own physcial limitations and breaks down that when she turns to Heavenly Father, her strength returns and her ability to cope comes back. They don't understand her burning testimony of a loving Father in Heaven and His ability to heal her. I know these things, I remind her of these things and then we go forward and she pushes thru. She is strong, courageous, faithful, and she rises above her physical challenges. I am proud of her strength, of her courage, and of her ability to stand up in the face of overwhelming challenges and fight back. I love her determination and it strengthens my own. I love my children and my devoted husband....at home they continue to keep things going and they kneel together and pray for our family and they give me courage. I never worry when I am up at the hospital because I know at home that they are strong and they continue to do what is right. I feel the Lord's hand in my life everyday...I try hard everyday to acknowledge His blessings in my family's life and in my own. I try all the time to see the silver linings and to know, that no matter what, He is in control and He does what is best for me and my family. If I continue to put my complete trust and faith in Him and am obedient to His commandments then, as President Hinckley used to say, "it will all work out." I like having time to ponder, it reminds me of the great blessings that pour into my life all the time and it gives me time to thank my Heavenly Father for them....I am always reminded that the Lord does not give us stones, He gives us bread and I am grateful for every kind He sends my way for they all fill me with a stronger desire to live as He would have me to.

Another Hospital Stay!

Well, here we are again at UNC Children's Hospital. We came to WakeMed around 5 am on Sunday morning because Lauren could not maintain her blood sugar levels and we couldn't figure out why. They ran bloodwork on her and when they came back, they were all whacked out and her white blood cell count was dangerously low (which means she was susceptible to anything that was out there)! Late that night, they came in and told me that her blood culture came back positive which meant she had an infection in her port a cath line that had gotten into her blood stream which explained why her labwork was so bad. They immediately started her on IV antibiotics and 24 hours later they ran another set of labs and they looked a lot better. We transferred over to UNC Childrens the next night as we knew this was going to be a 2 week hospital stay and we wanted to be where Lauren's doctors are. We were blessed to get the big corner room with lots of space so that made Mom happy as well. While we are here they are also doing her dhe treatment to get her migraines under control and checking out Lauren's nutrition labs as she continues to lose weight and she cannot afford to lose any. We are working hard to correct that. All in all, things are going well and we are happy to have wonderful doctors who look after Lauren and take care of any issues that arise. Below is a picture of my sleeping beauty with her mask on. She wears that when she has a headache and doesn't feel well to block out any light. She is a much loved young woman over here at UNC and we feel the Lord's blessings on our family greatly. We are thankful for the many prayers in our behalf and all the support we get. We are a truly blessed family and have much to be grateful for! Thank you all for loving Lauren like you do..she feels your love and support and it means the world to her!

A visit from Daddy Tom and DeeDee

We had SO MUCH FUN with Daddy Tom and DeeDee.....they came to spend a night with us and we laughed the whole night....Daddy Tom showed off his competitive side when we played a game of rummy.....I came SO CLOSE to beating his this time but once again he maintains his champion status.....grrrrrr! Maybe next time!!! Enjoy our pictures from their short visit.....

Michael learning the game from Daddy Tom

Emily and Lauren showing off their baseball skills on the Wii

Pugslie giving out tons of "kisses"...she loved Daddy Tom and DeeDee
DeeDee relaxing on the couch

Our Rummy game.....too fun!

Happy Anniversary to my Sweetheart!

Jeff and I were married 18 years ago on Valentines Day in the Washington DC Temple! This week-end has been so appropriate with the snow as there was snow falling the day we got married. All I can say is this has been the happiest 18 years of my life and Jeff is my sweetheart, my rock, an incredible father, extremely patient, and the love of my life! I am looking forward to spending many more years making memories with my incredible husband! Aren't I so blessed???

ANOTHER Snow Day....

We had another chance to have fun in the snow as we got about 3 inches over night last night! This was a great snow for making snowballs and snowmen and the kids had a ball outside putting together a big snowman in the backyard! We thought it looked beautiful outside with the snow in all the trees and have enjoyed our short burst of winter weather...enjoy our pictures....

Emily working on the snowman's nose

Michael and Mr. Snowman

Mr. Snowman up close

Lauren working on the snowman

Michael and Lauren in the woods behind our house
Our backyard before the snowman making began
Our neighbors house

Looking out our front door

Michael being silly in Lauren's hat
When the snow first started

Our Snow Day 2010!

We all have had a great day enjoying our "winter weather" here in Zebulon! We have been under a "winter storm warning" since Wednesday and wondered if we would really get any kind of good snow...well, we did get some beautiful flakes coming down at first over night and then today it all turned to sleet and now we have about 3 inches of snow on the ground with 2 inches of sleet on top...great for sledding (too bad we don't live on a hill..hehe) so we all went outside for a little while and stomped around in the crunchy white stuff on the ground! It was fun but has been nice to come inside and stay warm with blankets and a big pot of homemade chicken noodle soup on the stove all day along with homemade brownies and chocolate chip cookies as well!! We are enjoying spending our day together as a family. Church was cancelled for tomorrow because the roads are sheets of ice so we will have "church" at home tomorrow as Jeff can administer the sacrament to us. It will be nice to have a quiet family day at home and reflect on the blessings the Lord has given us...which are many! We have had fun with our "big winter storm" of the year..hehe!

Vote for Pugslie!!!

We entered Pugslie in a contest to be on the box of a Bissell Clean Machine (which we would also win)!!! Please vote for our adorable little dog below:



Thanks!!! Voting starts January 29th....PLEASE VOTE FOR HER!!!

Getting back to Normal!

Finally our life around here is getting back to normal. Everyone is one the mend and now it is finally time to get busy and get back to business as usual. My dining room table transforms itself each weekday to our schoolroom and the kids sit around it and do their schoolwork. They each work on a different subject at a time and I go over their lessons with them on an individual basis to make sure they are on the right track. We spend between 4 and 5 hours a day completing schoolwork, and then I have housework to do and dinner to cook, clothes to wash....so, back to doing what I do everyday....still tired but definitely better!!! Below is a picture of how our dining room looks during the week! Hope everyone is doing good and enjoying their beginning of 2010....we are finally starting to get on our feet!!!

2010

Some days I can hardly believe that it is 2010 already...time seems to be speeding up....sometimes I think it goes too fast and then other times it seems too slow. I was looking at my kids tonight and I realized that they are almost grown...it made me want to cry. I have always said that I would be glad when my kids got older but now that they are I wish for those moments when they were small back again...I know there are no "do overs"...I would have been a much better mommy. I have a lot of regrets...I wish I would have been better at parenting. Now the time is slipping from me and I can only pray that my children will grow up to be God fearing, caring, responsible adults. I guess I am also having one of my "Noah" moments...the new year seems to always bring them...I know everyone thinks about him occasionaly still but for me, he is always at the front of my thoughts. Oh, I have dealt with the pain and I carry it with me...most times I do it very well, but tonight, I don't wish to do that...I want to think about him and how if he were still here my Michael would have someone to play with and laugh with....seems like I not only got cheated out of getting to have Noah here but Michael got cheated at having a best friend in the house all the time....life doesn't always seem fair. But..that is life, isn't it...ups and downs and twists and turns. Sometimes I would like those twists and turns to be good ones...the last few years we have had twists and turns that have tested our faith and our resolve. I would like a few years of twists and turns that pour out blessings but then I wouldn't grow and learn so I need to be thankful for the challenges...they keep me moving forward and focused. I just really wish tonight that I would be allowed a peek, just a peek, behind the veil and see my son...if only I could just have a peek...time to get out my scriptures and read and ponder...

Happy New Year!

Today is the beginning of a new year, a new decade, and a new beginning! I love the beginning of a new year because we can start fresh, set new goals, change something we have been meaning to change and look forward with fresh eyes! I am happy to say that last year I set 3 main goals for 2009...

1. Read the Bible from cover to cover....completed!!!
2. Read the Book of Mormon four times....completed!!!
3. Go to the temple once a month....completed!!!

It made me feel good to complete the goals that I had set for myself so this year I have set new goals...goals that I will accomplish because I feel successful going into this new year! I have them on a card and I will keep them in my scriptures where I will look at them everyday, they will be a constant reminder to me of where I want to be at the end of this year and I will persevere and strive to reach them!

Yes, this is a new beginning...so tell me...have you set new goals, written them down and then prayed for help to accomplish them???? We can all have a brand new start and I LOVE that!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!