Pondering

Sitting up in the hospital gives me a lot of time to ponder....I don't spend as much time watching the tv or even with it on as I used to. I read my scriptures and I am right now reading a book entitled, "Be not Afraid"....that phrase always reminds me of Noah's favorite picture that we used to look at during sacrament. Even thinking about those days brings me to tears but as I have been reading this book, it reminds me that we are never alone even when we may feel so. It is reminding me that the Lord is always mindful of us, he always listens to our prayers and He knows our hearts. I sometimes feel helpless when I see Lauren struggling thru pain that no one can really resolve and she has to pull it together and learn to deal with it. I watch helplessly as she looks at me with those pleading eyes of hers and I read to her from the Book of Mormon and I go into the bathroom and kneel and pray for her relief and ask the Lord to comfort her in the way only He can. I call Jeff and he reassures me that the Lord is in control and all will be well. I wait for her to make that turn and feel better and I tell her it is just around the corner. Then I watch as she finds her courage and strength and she rises above the pain and finds a place to put her pain so she can deal with it again and the tears come because I know the Lord is helping her go forward....the doctors and nurses don't understand what I do about Lauren...they don't understand that her inner strength comes from her Father in Heaven..they don't appreciate that when she struggles with her own physcial limitations and breaks down that when she turns to Heavenly Father, her strength returns and her ability to cope comes back. They don't understand her burning testimony of a loving Father in Heaven and His ability to heal her. I know these things, I remind her of these things and then we go forward and she pushes thru. She is strong, courageous, faithful, and she rises above her physical challenges. I am proud of her strength, of her courage, and of her ability to stand up in the face of overwhelming challenges and fight back. I love her determination and it strengthens my own. I love my children and my devoted husband....at home they continue to keep things going and they kneel together and pray for our family and they give me courage. I never worry when I am up at the hospital because I know at home that they are strong and they continue to do what is right. I feel the Lord's hand in my life everyday...I try hard everyday to acknowledge His blessings in my family's life and in my own. I try all the time to see the silver linings and to know, that no matter what, He is in control and He does what is best for me and my family. If I continue to put my complete trust and faith in Him and am obedient to His commandments then, as President Hinckley used to say, "it will all work out." I like having time to ponder, it reminds me of the great blessings that pour into my life all the time and it gives me time to thank my Heavenly Father for them....I am always reminded that the Lord does not give us stones, He gives us bread and I am grateful for every kind He sends my way for they all fill me with a stronger desire to live as He would have me to.