Soup, Anyone????

Today we got together with Teri Hanna and Makayla and put together some Stripling Warrior soup to can in jars. We made enough for one pot a week for 3 months. We all had a good time putting it together and were pretty pleased when we saw all our jars filled and ready for our pantry. It was fun to see the kids all helping and enjoying the process. Thank you, Teri for sharing your wonderful talent with us and helping us all to be more prepared. My pantry is looking better and better and it is a great feeling to be obedient!

Michael putting his ingredients in his bowl
Michael, Emily & Makayla filling up their bowls

Makayla and Teri filling up a jar!

Our finished product...we were so pleased!

ONE YEAR....One very very long year.....

One year, 52 weeks, 365 days...I can hardly believe that a whole year has gone by and I haven't seen, touched, or felt the sweet smell of my precious little Noah. As I write this the tears begin to fall. I have learned a lot about grief in this past year. I have learned that you don't go thru these neat little stages one at a time. Grief comes in waves and it comes when you least expect it. It has come when I have been walking in Wal-Mart and seen a monster truck that Noah didn't have yet, anything with Cars on it, pajamas I would have picked out for him. It has come in the Dollar Tree when I have seen the smiley face balloons and remembered how I could never go in there without coming out with one because Noah just had to have one. It has come when I have been riding down the road and seen the "oreo" cows that Noah loved so much on the side of the road or turned on my 80's cd and I could hear Noah saying to "turn on the new radio Momma, turn on the new radio". It has come at 3:00 in the morning when I just opened my eyes and sleep left me and I would cry the rest of the night. It has come at church when I have seen other mothers sitting with their children Noah's age and trying to get them to be still. It has come during the day when I am cleaning the house and I run across a stray toy, a stray sock, a little cup or spoon. It has come when I have been at family gatherings and knew that there was one missing from the chaos. It has come when I walked on the beach at Lakewood Campground or rode in the golf cart and knew how much Noah loved being there. It has come at all different times and sometimes it is so overwhelming I can hardly speak or catch my breath. Other times it comes softly and tears gently fall. It has never left me for 365 days. It has been my constant and most unwelcome companion. Then in this last year I have found my faith...it has plunged me forward, it has gotten me up in the mornings, helped me make it thru the days, been my constant source of strength and my most welcome friend. I have found solace and peace as I have sat in the Celestial Room of the temple and asked for strength. I have found comfort and peace in Jeff's arms and in his unwavering faith. I have found bits of joy in my other children as I have watched them progress this year as they have found their faith and had their testimonies strengthened. I have found what the meaning of true friendship is as there have been those that have walked with me every step...have held my hand, cried with me, rejoiced with me, held me up when I couldn't stand, sat in the temple with me, and run to my defense at every turn. To you who have walked with me, cried with me, listened to me, called when I so desperately needed you, and gone as far on this road as you could go with me...thank you...you have made this year easier to bear because you were here no matter what and I love you with all my heart. This year has been full of seemingly overwhelming challenges and yet there have been moments when I could truly feel the Savior very near. I have cried on my knees for help, for comfort and told the Lord I could go no further and He has answered me with comforting peace. I have put my hand in Jeff's and together we have walked with faith, with hope and with the knowledge that we KNOW we will see our precious little boy again and we will raise him. I have learned to go forward and put my trust in the Lord even though I can't see what is ahead. I have learned that all the hurting has not overwhelmed all the joy I have had of having Noah. I have learned that faith is more than just believing, that it takes action, it takes courage and it has required me to keep going even when I just wanted to stop. I have learned that strength comes from within and it takes a lot of praying, fasting, and getting up and doing to find it. I have learned that the most precious things I have on this earth is my family and no matter what we will always be together. I have learned to trust in the Lord's will and accept it no matter how hard. Most of all I have found that my memories have sustained me and helped me to keep going. My beloved Noah will always be with us whereever we go. I feel his presence so often with me. I can close my eyes and see his beautiful smile. I can stop and feel his hand in mine sometimes and it makes me smile! I know in my heart that each step I take in doing what is right is one step closer I am coming to Noah. I miss him more than I can put into words and this past year I have found that the closer I am to the Lord, the closer I am to Noah. He will always be my baby and I will always be able to close my eyes and see his beautiful brown eyes and his great big smile. I hope no one will ever forget my rambunctious, beaming, beautiful, and oft times screaming meemee, precious little boy. He is moving forward and I know he wants us to do the same. I love you, Noah....you are forevermore my baby and you are always in my heart.

THE TREK!!!!!

We went today and picked up the kids that went on the pioneer trek! The stake asked all the families of the kids that went to come and bring white handkerchiefs to wave the kids in as they came into the "Salt Lake Valley"! As they came walking thru the lines that we had formed we all sang "Come Come Ye Saints" and waved our handkerchiefs. They cheered and smiled as they walked and pushed their handcarts along. The kids were dirty but beaming! They had a great time and we were glad that Emily had the experience. She said it was hot, dirty and at times really hard but she would do it all again in a minute! We were so happy to hear about her experience and know that she grew closer to the Lord thru it! Way to go Emily....you made it! She drank nasty water, ate stuff that she didn't know what was and even had some grasshoppers to eat along the way, got sick on the first night and kept going...she proved to her dad and I that she is one tough cookie who rises to the challenge! We are very proud of her!!! The first thing she did when she got home was hit the shower...then the bed! Ahhh...aren't we grateful for those wonderful modern conveniences????

Emily walking into the "Salt Lake Valley" among the cheering crowd!

The Zebulon Ward Youth who went on the trek with some of their leaders!

Emily and Aunt Jewel who came along to welcome her back!

Michael and Emily with Bro. Duncan who played Brigham Young!!!

All the youth and leaders from Zebulon and Knightdale who participated in the trek!

Our Myrtle Beach Vacation

Below we have posted some pictures of our vacation this year. We had a good time with our extended family and enjoyed seeing everyone. It was a sun filled 2 weeks and we came home a little redder (we don't tan in our family...hahaha!) and closer as a family. We spent our last week there just being together as a family and enjoyed spending our time with each other. The kids had a great time and had all kinds of fun around the campground. We took advantage this year of all the activities that the campground had to offer so the kids had a great time being there. We didn't do a whole lot of outside activities but we had a great time just hanging around the campground. We have now had to come back to reality and get on with our life. Jeff and I have complete faith that the Lord will lead us where He wants us to go from here. We are grateful for the many people who have loved and cared about our family and who are praying for us. We are thankful for the men that Jeff worked with at Constrata who were good to our family over the years and we wish them the best. We are looking ahead to the future with great faith and know that the Lord's promises are sure. We hope everyone has a great summer!

Emily with "The Terminator"

Michael with "The Terminator"

Michael playing "Dance Dance Revolution"

Jeff and Michael driving a simulated race car

Emily and Lauren on the go carts

Lauren and Uncle Floyd in his convertible

Getting a smile from Jeff in the trailer

Daddy Tom at the trailer

Kim and our family out to dinner

Jeff and Jean at Planet Hollywood

Libbi and Pete with kids at the pool

Libbi and Momma at the pool

Two of my beautiful nieces suntanning!

Gramps in the shade at the pool

Katie and Lauren at Aunt Kim's house

There are no words...

There really are no words to describe our experience with Elder Bednar on Sunday. We were grateful for the opportunity we had to meet with him and for Lauren to have the chance to talk with him. He has the spirit with him so strong and it was wonderful the way he allowed Lauren to speak what was on her heart. It was a special experience and one that I am sure our family will remember for a long time. We are grateful for the Lord's blessings in our lives and grateful for such a direct answer to prayers. We are most grateful for President Wilford who was led to set up the meeting with Elder Bednar and we are grateful for his wonderful and dedicated service to our stake. We love you, President Wilford and you have been the perfect example of not shrinking in the face of overwhelming challenges. Thank you. We had a perfect Sunday and left to come on vacation feeling overwhelmed with gratitude and humility. We have learned a lot about living a higher law this week-end and we are trying to be a little better each day.

MY ONE OF A KIND BEACH BAG!!!

How do I begin to describe this wonderful one of a kind beach bag that Beth made for me to go the beach with??? I have looked and looked for the perfect bag that fits all of my needs and I have never been able to find one so I was talking to Beth about it one day and she told me that she thought she could make me one. I told her all that I wanted and below you have a picture of my perfect bag! It has a zipper at the top to zip up the whole bag. A zipper pocket inside to hold small things, zipper pockets on either side and a zipper pocket in the front. It also has pockets on each side for water bottles. I have the perfect bag and I know it will be the envy of other people who need to carry as much as I do! Beth...thank you, thank you, thank you...how you did it with your brood, I'll never know but I am glad you did! Okay...everyone, below is my perfect one of kind original beach bag! I LOVE IT!!!! Isn't it great????

WE ARE ON THE WAY HOME!!!

To everyone who has prayed, fasted, called and been a complete strength to us...we say a great big THANK YOU!!! We have felt the Lord's hand blessing us as we are now coming to what we hope will be the end of hospital stays for a while! We are going home today and then leaving in less than 2 weeks for a wonderful beach trip for 2 weeks. We are all getting excited about it and I can tell you that we need the rest and relaxation or more esp...I NEED THE REST AND RELAXATION!!!!! I am looking forward to being back home with my family and Lauren is as well. She has had an extremely tough hospital stay this time but in the end I think we will all be better for it. She is a tough young lady who understands the power of prayer and faith and we are grateful for the knowledge we have that helps us get thru tough times. Myrtle Beach here we come!!!!

Where to go from here....

Well I have good, actually great news....the colonoscopy showed that the colon was perfectly normal and showed no signs of disease or inflammation or anything. Dr. Freeman said that she is going to go back and look at the lower bowel study with the radiologist since it showed that she had narrowing in her ilieum. Anyway, it is great that it is normal but at the same time we are now back to square one with trying to figure out what this pain is from. At this point I feel like we should just put her on some medication to calm down her muscles or stomach or whatever and send us home. I suppose we will be talking with the doctors and get some kind of plan from them but I can't imagine that they will keep us here much longer or at least I hope they don't. We all need a vacation right now as much as we need answers...the vacation I believe we will get...the answers I am not sure about anymore. Maybe we should call the show "Mystery Diagnosis" since we seem to be in the middle of one.

FINALLY....AN ANSWER!!!!!!!

Well...we finally think we have found the reason for all of Lauren's stomach pain. Not to go into a great lot of detail but they believe that from the test they ran this morning (see below entry for what that was all about) that it looks like Lauren has inflammation and narrowing in her colon area which is the cause of all this pain. They will be doing a colonoscopy on Tuesday to look and get some biopsies so they will know how to treat it. I spoke at length with both Dr. Muenzer and Dr. Freeman (the GI doctor) this afternoon. We are so grateful that Heavenly Father has answered our prayers in a most direct way. We are hoping that when they look at her colon that what they suspect is what they will find. Lauren is feeling really bad this afternoon so Dr. Muenzer said that if he has to increase her pain medication thru the week-end to get her out of pain while they are preparing for these tests then he will. I'll update once we have more information but for now at least we are going in the right direction. They also said that this could explain why she had pancretitis as well! As always we love Dr. Muenzer because this has been his suspicion from the beginning....we so trust him!

Long Morning...

This morning they took Lauren down for an upper GI study with small bowel follow thru. Let me tell you...it was awful! Lauren had to drink 3 cups of this barium stuff that they flavored chocolate and then they took all these pictures as it went thru her system. She had to lay on her side then we got her to walk up and down the hall while she was in pain, then we came back in and they laid her down and pressed on her stomach until she was crying so bad and begging me to make them stop that I could hardly keep my composure. I silently prayed that the Lord would ease her pain and help her have the courage to get thru the study. She did make it thru it and we both heaved a great sigh of relief when they said it was over. We came back, she took a shower and she is now sleeping comfortably after some pain meds. They are going to be doing another Ph Probe on Tuesday to check her reflux again... Dr. Phillips wants a current one done before he does surgery. There are still some other tests that they can do but we are just hoping that we are all done with testing for today. Lauren will more than likely sleep the rest of the afternoon as she didn't have a great night last night and she is very tired. Keep praying for us...we surely can use all the prayers and good vibes being sent our way that we can get!

Tagged.....by Libbi!

1. Pick up the nearest book
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the 5th sentence
4. Post the next 3 sentences
5. Tag 3 people and acknowledge who tagged you

Okay, Libbi tagged me...This book is on the shelf next to me in the hospital...It is the scriptures...So here goes..."And thou shalt make upon the breastplate chains at the ends of wreathen work of pure gold."

I tag Kim, Jewel, and Shalene.

No, UNC is not our home.....

But it sure feels like that these days. We had to bring Lauren back in yesterday. We were supposed to come over here today for an appointment with Dr. Muenzer but since Sunday, Lauren's stomach pain has gotten worse and the medicine didn't seem to be helping so after talking at length with Dr. Muenzer and then Jeff and I going over everything we came to a decision to bring her in. She was in terrible pain yesterday and Dr. Muenzer was adamant that we bring her in. They still don't know what is causing the pain but they are more determined than ever to figure it out. I have no idea how long we will be here but I told them yesterday that they have 2 1/2 weeks to figure it out because we are going on vacation on June 14th. Please pray that we will get to the bottom of this and we will be able to go on our vacation. They have consulted the surgeons at this point and more than likely they will be doing surgery here soon. I don't have any details right now...just pray for my little Lauren and ask the Lord to direct the doctors so they will know what to do. We would really appreciate it. Thanks! For those of you that want this information....Lauren's telephone number is (919) 966-2493 and her room number is 6C03.

The Art Auction

Well, before anyone asks..no, I wasn't able to get any pictures. They took one of Lauren there with their camera and if I get a copy of it then I will post it. The place was very crowded and it wasn't that big so I wasn't able to get any good pictures with my camera. They had Lauren's picture on the wall along with a short biography about her as one of their featured artists. She had three pictures there being auctioned off. We only stayed about 30 minutes so we left pretty early into it and I looked at the papers under her art to see what the bids were so far. She had one picture that they had bid $30.00 on, another one had a $20.00 bid on it and the last one had a $25.00 bid on it. We don't know how much they actually ended up selling them for. I hope they will let us know. All of the money went to help the NC Children's Hospital which we are pleased to help. Lauren was very excited about her art and we hope that she will continue to learn and pursue this avenue because we do believe she has real talent. We were pleased that she had a good time and we celebrated with a trip to an ice cream parlor across the street from the art gallery (they were serving wine and cheese there so we passed that up for the good stuff...ice cream!!!) They were very happy that Lauren came to the auction and came out to the truck when we left to thank us for coming and bringing Lauren. It was a pretty snazzy affair with all those artsy people and I am quite sure we stuck out like sore thumbs...oh well! It was a cool experience. Well, Michael said he wasn't all that impressed and he was glad when we went to the ice cream parlor...hahaha! We all enjoyed that part probably the most!!!

EMILY GOT HER PERMIT...SHOUT HOORAY!!!!

Everyone stay off the roads!!!! hahaha! Emily got her learners permit today! What a great day for her. She was so excited when they told her she passed and she got the permit in her hands. I even let her drive me home from the DMV...a nervous experience for me but she did great! I can still remember when she learned how to walk and now she is driving...where does the time go???? Now our days will be filled with driving...maybe I should take up drinking...hahaha..! I am not old enough to have a child that can drive or at least I don't think I should be! We are very proud of Emily...she is way excited and we share her excitement! Another driver in the family...more errands for her to run....higher insurance to pay....oh my! Jeff will look forward to the day when she can drive her own self to seminary in the mornings....there is a bright spot to this driving thing! Good job Emily !!!!! (And no, there is no new car around the corner...sorry!!!)

Mothers Day...a mixed day!

This year was another one of firsts for me...it seems like every day is another first I have to live thru. This day proved to be a lot harder than I had imagined it to be. I guess unless you have lived thru what Jeff and I are living thru then it is hard to imagine being in my place. I have four wonderful children (three on this earth who I love more than life itself and love spending every moment with and a fourth that I long for every single day!) I guess you miss the one you don't see the most. Kim told me that she cried after she talked to Will...it is hard to be away from your kids on a day like Mothers Day. I cried because although I have my other wonderful children and they are wonderful, I didn't have my baby. All I have are pictures and a card that Noah made for me last year on Mothers Day. I looked at it and the tears fell over and over again. I barely made it thru church...everyone seemed to sense that it was a hard day for me and were extremely sensitive to my feelings...I appreciated that. Jeff gave me a yellow rose at church...Noah's favorite color...even he teared up as he watched me at church...he felt my pain and could not make it easier and he knew that. I didn't think it was going to hit me this hard but it did and the pain is overwhelming. I took down his hand and foot molds they gave me at the hospital and ran my hand over them. They are so small and every little line is visible. I felt physically sick at not having him here. Life is hard sometimes. Thank you everyone who called me and e-mailed me...you understood my pain and I felt your love....it helped me get thru it. I love you all so much and I appreciate your love and concern...it made a not so good day a little more bearable. I will one day have a joyous and happy reunion with my sweet little boy and my tears will be turned from sorrow to joy....I look forward to that day.

Poor Pugslie!!!

Well, we got Lauren home and then we had to take Pugslie yesterday in to the vet to have her spayed. She did really good but we all feel sorry for her since she came home. She has to wear this cone over her head for 7 days to keep her from biting or licking her incision site and she is in some pain...we are giving her pain medication and that is just making her woozy and tired. When I took her outside to the bathroom yesterday after she got back from the vet she took a few steps, wobbled and then fell over in the grass. It was funny to watch but I felt sorry for her. I picked her up, carried her inside and layed her on a blanket where she stayed most of the afternoon and then Jeff took her out last night and then laid her in her crate before we went to bed. She is still laying around this morning and likes one particular place on the couch the best so we let her lay there. We feel sorry for her with this cone around her head but the vet told us that she had to keep it on. Lauren decorated it with stickers...I don't think Pugslie cares...hahaha! We will be glad when she doesn't have to look like an alien dog anymore...poor Pugslie! (Jeff says poor him for having to pay for all this stuff...hahaha!)

HOME SWEET HOME!!!!

A very short post to say that we are finally HOME!!!!!! Yeah!!! We were thrilled when the doctors let us go today and we have been smiling ever since. I am so happy to be home and Lauren is as well. It was so good to walk into our house and be with my whole family and in time for family home evening night as well. This will be a great family home evening! Lauren is still recovering some from the pancreatitis but she is doing so much better than she was! Anyway...thanks everyone for everything you did for us....the visits, the phone calls, the cards, the e-mails, sending food to our house and esp. for all the prayers that were sent up! Thank you does not seem like near enough! We are so glad to be home!!!!!!

A Funny Story

I have been thinking about this story with all of the interest lately in Lauren's art talent and I couldn't help but laugh...about 4 years ago (when we still lived on Church Street) Emily had learned how to massage our feet, shoulders, and hands and everyone was always asking her to give them a short massage. We suggested that Emily could earn some extra money if she would charge people to do that so she made this chart that said "Foot Massage - 10 minutes - .25 cents, Hand Massage - 10 minutes - .15 cents, Shoulder Massage - 10 minutes - .30 cents." We thought that was cute and everyone said that was very reasonable so then Lauren wanted to get in on the act and she also made a chart that said, "Normal Drawing - $1.00, Black & White Drawing - $1.50, Western Drawing - $2.00, and Family Picture - $5.00" We just looked at her chart and said, "Well, you aren't giving a service, do you really think people are going to pay that much for your drawings...give us a break!!!" We took her sign down because we told her that she couldn't charge that much for pictures and she should just do them for free or charge a dime or something. I guess she knew even way back then that art is EXPENSIVE and that is probably why we don't own any paintings...hahahaha! Oh well, that was so typical of Lauren and we have laughed about that a lot of times. If she ever becomes famous one day none of us will be able to afford her high priced art...hahaha! Something to think about.....!

My little artist...

Just a short blog to let everyone know that Lauren is becoming quite the little artist up here. They got her to paint a picture to auction off at an art exhibit on May 17th at an art gallery here in Chapel Hill (which we will be going to!) She was very excited about that and they also wanted a picture of her and a little background so she can be one of the featured artists (this art show is to raise money for UNC Children's Hospital.) So we were happy about that...but this is the part that I think is so cool..when we first got up here a few weeks ago and you look out the window from Lauren's bed you can see the clock tower on the UNC campus. Lauren thought it would be a good idea to draw a picture from her viewpoint of the clock tower so she did. We taped the picture to her front door. (If you go back and look at a previous post with a picture of her door and click on it to make it bigger you can see the picture of the clock tower.) EVERYONE that passes by her door makes a comment on the clock tower picture and how good it is; esp. when they come into the room and look at it from out the window. I am not very artistic so I thought it was cute but you know, not a big deal. Well they came down today and asked me if they could have that picture off of her door to auction off as well. They were so impressed with it that they felt like it would be a big hit at the art show. I let them have it but told them that they had to scan a copy for me and send it to me. I usually am not one to brag too much about my kids (they are all wonderful, but you know, every mother feels that way about her kids) but I just had to share this with everyone. I am really proud of her and how she pours her feelings into all her artwork which shows in the details and the colors that she uses. I don't know a thing about art but I must say that one day I am going to be very proud when she becomes a celebrated artist....! Jeff and I both think she has real talent. I'll post or get her to post some scans of her art when we finally get home...which I am hoping will be tomorrow or Sunday...we will let you know!

There is an end in sight...finally!!!!

Lauren is doing a lot better. Her pancreatic enzymes are continuing to come down and she is feeling a lot better. The doctors will want her enzymes to be normal before they feel really good about letting her go. She still has pain when she eats solid food but we are slowly coming back to that. They have switched her from iv pain medication to oral as she can now tolerate them without throwing up. She can come home on those if need be. She is drinking pediasure or carnation instant breakfast to help give her nutrients while she is easing back into eating. She is out of the room a lot during the day now at the doctors request so that she can build her strength back up. She walks up and down the halls, goes to the "teen room" and we walk around the hospital downstairs. She is glad to be feeling better and we are glad to see an end in sight. It is looking more and more if she continues to do this good that we will be able to come home at some point this week-end. We may even give her some cornstarch tonight...we are making slow but steady progress. We will be glad to get home and back into a somewhat normal routine. Michael had his appt. with Dr. Muenzer over here yesterday and he got a good report...other than he now has to lay off of the fried foods. He wasn't too happy about that but Dr. Muenzer was strict on that point so we are all going to have to improve our diet...it will be good for us all! Life is beginning to look up and we are now looking forward to our vacation next month...we will all need it.