Mothers Day...a mixed day!

This year was another one of firsts for me...it seems like every day is another first I have to live thru. This day proved to be a lot harder than I had imagined it to be. I guess unless you have lived thru what Jeff and I are living thru then it is hard to imagine being in my place. I have four wonderful children (three on this earth who I love more than life itself and love spending every moment with and a fourth that I long for every single day!) I guess you miss the one you don't see the most. Kim told me that she cried after she talked to Will...it is hard to be away from your kids on a day like Mothers Day. I cried because although I have my other wonderful children and they are wonderful, I didn't have my baby. All I have are pictures and a card that Noah made for me last year on Mothers Day. I looked at it and the tears fell over and over again. I barely made it thru church...everyone seemed to sense that it was a hard day for me and were extremely sensitive to my feelings...I appreciated that. Jeff gave me a yellow rose at church...Noah's favorite color...even he teared up as he watched me at church...he felt my pain and could not make it easier and he knew that. I didn't think it was going to hit me this hard but it did and the pain is overwhelming. I took down his hand and foot molds they gave me at the hospital and ran my hand over them. They are so small and every little line is visible. I felt physically sick at not having him here. Life is hard sometimes. Thank you everyone who called me and e-mailed me...you understood my pain and I felt your love....it helped me get thru it. I love you all so much and I appreciate your love and concern...it made a not so good day a little more bearable. I will one day have a joyous and happy reunion with my sweet little boy and my tears will be turned from sorrow to joy....I look forward to that day.