My thoughtful husband!!!

Jeff had to go to Asheville this week for work and he knew how stressed out and tired I have been in dealing with Lauren not feeling well and her sudden bloodsugar drops. Since Sunday I had only gotten four hours of sleep, so by yesterday afternoon I was exhausted. When he told me on Sunday night that he had to go to Ashvelle this week, I guess from my expression, he could tell that I was weary. He normally will go and spend the night but he decided to get up at 4 am and leave yesterday and come back in one day. I was worried about him doing that, worried about Lauren and possibly facing another hospital stay, worried about how to get all the schoolwork done and the housework kept up and battling major fatigue! Anyway..yesterday afternoon things were looking up, I took a four hour nap which helped quite a bit and had dinner waiting for Jeff when he got home last night! He told me he had a surprise for me....he had brought me my absolute favorite treat in the whole world....MARABOU CHOCOLATE!!!! He said that when he went thru Charlotte, they had an IKEA store there so he stopped so he could get me some chocolate! He is so very thoughtful about things like that and it brought tears to my eyes...he is such a great husband and went out of his way to make me feel better (which chocolate always does..hehe)! So glad he is mine!!!! Aren't I blessed????

Tired!!

Well, the past couple of days have been exhausting! Lauren loves to throw us curve balls and she threw us a good one yesterday at church. Her blood sugar had been fine early that morning and she had eaten before we left for church but during Sacrament when I checked her bloodsugar it was 36 and things went downhill quickly from there. Long story short is that she dropped even lower, passed out in the hall at church, we were able to get her aroused, give her polycose, rush her home, access her port and give her D50 to stabilize her bloodsugar. She has been pretty stable ever since but does not feel good at all. I have spoken at length to both of her doctors and I am taking her to see her pediatrician tomorrow morning. Both Dr. Covington and Dr. Muenzer think that she will need to be hospitalized because something is causing the low blood sugar drops but we just don't know what. I am hoping that we can do some bloodwork and get a clearer picture but the way I am feeling right now and how she looks, I think we are headed for a hospital stay. Jeff and I are praying that we will be led to make right decisions concerning her care and that we will do the right thing. Dr. Muenzer said that we need to have a VERY LOW threshhold for putting her in the hospital and so I will be keeping a close watch on her tonight to make sure that she doesn't drop. She is complaining of a headache, stomachache and that her chest hurts. Jeff gave her a blessing and we know that the Lord is watching over her. We will definitely put her safety first. I have her port accessed and heplocked and D50 ready. So far she has been stable but she doesn't look very good. She looks like she does not feel good. I am just tired right now and hope we will have a clear path by tommorrow! Please pray that we will know what to do and that it will be the right decision! Thanks!!!

My girls!

With all the complaining I sometimes do about Lauren's stubbornness, I have to take some time out and now talk about her great faith and determination. This year, she absolutely begged to go to early morning seminary and after much prayer, her dad and I decided, along with her doctors, that this would be a good thing for her. They told me that she would have to wear a mask during flu season and she couldn't go if there was any outbreak of illness in the class! She has been getting up at 5 am for the past 3 weeks and never complaining about it. She checks her own bloodsugar, gets dressed, has a smile on her face and comes home in a happy mood! Last night, Lauren's bloodsugar dropped dangerously low (27) for no reason that we could see. We were able to get it back up and she ate good and had a really good bloodsugar when she went to bed last night...this morning at 5 am, her bloodsugar was somewhat low again (53), she took cornstarch and 5 cc of polycose (liquid glucose) and went to get ready for seminary. I questioned her going but she said she felt like she could do it even though she didn't feel well (low blood sugar will do that to you)! I checked it again and it had come up so after I pondered and prayed about the situation, I sent her to seminary with Emily with some extra sugar treats and a bloodsugar machine! Now...here is where my other sweet daughter comes in...she knew that Lauren was a little off center this morning so she kept a close watch over her during seminary, even checking her bloodsugar while they were there. I am so blessed with both of my girls....their courage, faith, and compassion humbles me everyday. I am blessed to have daughters that want to do what is right and that see early morning seminary as a blessing in their lives...they give me great joy everyday and I love them so much!!!

My favorite day....

Sunday is always my favorite day of the week. This Sunday was no different...we had the missionaries over for dinner as well as the older sister missionaries in our ward over and they brought such a great spirit into our home. We love opening up our home and sharing our Sunday meal with others. It brightens up our day and we feel like we can share the blessings the Lord has given us. Michael was so cute...usually when we come home from church, the kids immediately go to their rooms and change from their Sunday clothes into their lounging clothes or pj's for the rest of the day. Today, Michael came home and stayed in his church clothes until after the missionaries left...when I asked him why he didn't change his clothes, he said, "Well, I just felt like it was the right thing to do." He always amazes me in the little things he does to show respect to our Heavenly Father and His servants. It was a sweet little experience for me. This afternoon we all took a nap and we have enjoyed just being together! I love Sundays because they remind me of my enormous blessings and give me a day to count them without other distractions...yay for Sundays!!!!!

Uplifting Week-end!

We had stake conference this week-end and it was so uplifting. The Saturday night adult session was so uplifting and I left there feeling a much stronger desire to live closer to my Heavenly Father and be more obedient to His will in my life. We are so blessed to live in a wonderful stake...after the conference session last night, Jeff and I were talking to a friend of ours who is on the high council and also runs the technology things in our stake. Our stake has gotten so large that our stake center is not large enough to hold everyone and parking is a nightmare so the stake presidency decided this year to do a live feed to the Knightdale building and asked the Knightdale and Zebulon wards to go to the Knightdale building for stake conference and watch it on the screen instead of coming to the stake center. This past week, I took Michael to see Dr. Covington because he had an ear infection and Dr. Covington talked very seriously with me about this flu season. Long story short, he wanted me to begin seriously quarantining the kids around large crowds and in very enclosed spaces...I tell you all of this because Jeff and I have been praying this past week about what we should do when it came to stake conference today, knowing the Knightdale Building would be overflowing....well, our answer came in a wonderful way. They were able to send a live feed of stake conference directly to our computer here at the house and we were able to keep our family home and away from the crowd of stake conference and still enjoy the talks and music. It was wonderful to sit in our living room this morning and watch and listen to our stake presidency give us counsel. I shed tears of thanksgiving when I think about the love I have for and feel from this wonderful stake and how the Lord always provides for us if our desire is strong enough....we are more than blessed to be in the Raleigh North Carolina Stake and I am filled with gratitude for my blessings today!!!

A Growing Light...

About a month ago....right after I went thru another very painful period in July having to deal with not only the anniversary of Noah's death but also his birthday, I came to understand that for the last 2 years my life has essentially been on hold. I have strattled that unseen line between this world and the next....wanting to take care of my children here and wanting to see and take care of my precious Noah in the other world. It has expended my energy, consumed my thoughts and taken part of me away from my family. The last two years I have just struggled to stay afloat and function as best I could. I thought that I was doing well but as I have continually prayed, pondered, read my scriptures and gone to the temple I suddenly looked around me a couple of weeks ago and realized how much my world had turned upside down. I think all the praying, pondering, reading, and attending the temple was what helped me to function and keep moving foward but I didn't realize how much it was bringing me to the place I am today. My eyes were opened and I looked at how much I have allowed my grief to take over who I am. I know this may sound trite...I don't mean it to be...but my house has been in disarray, my kids have largely functioned daily with me kinda sitting on the sidelines. Jeff has had to take on many more responsibilities that should be mine and I have had no energy or even a desire to get up and put things in order! I realized without really knowing it that I had slipped into some type of protection mode and just was wandering thru life. When my eyes finally were opened and I could see more clearly, I knelt down and asked Heavenly Father to help me find my way back....I sat down right then and made plans for the school year at home with the kids, I got up and put my house in order and set a schedule for us to live by. I began to get up very early so I could spend time alone in the mornings with my scriptures and I asked Jeff to give me a blessing to ask Heavenly Father to give me the physical strength and stamina that I needed to get my life in the right place. The last two years have been full of not only grief and pain but seemingly overwhelming challenges with Lauren and Michael's health as well. We have had long, extended hospital stays that have kept me on an emotional roller coaster and I have watched Lauren struggle to get hold of herself after facing the devastating loss of her brother and having to come to grips with her own struggle with GSD. It has been difficult and yet it has brought me to my knees and made me humble myself and ask for the Lord's guiding hand. I have felt his gentle whisperings and his guidance. I have seen him help Jeff move our family forward. I have felt much peace as I turned to my scriptures and at every temple session I attend, I can feel the overwhelming love that my precious Noah has for our family. I have felt his joy as we move closer and closer to our Father in Heaven and I have come to understand what truly submitting my will to Heavenly Father's means. I have found that thru this intense pain, I have found the absolute unwavering devotion to my Heavenly Father and feel a much deeper sense of love and gratitude for my Savior's sacrifice for me. I have come to love the simple beauty of the plan of salvation and I have come to understand that this life truly is a very small part of eternity. I have developed a stronger, deeper bond with Jeff and together we have learned to put complete faith and trust in Heavenly Father's will in our lives. All of this horrible heartache and pain has also brought with it some of the richest blessings I will ever experience in this life. I would not trade the relationship I have now with my Heavenly Father for anything and I don't know if I could have gained the great faith I am trying to maintain without having had to live thru this. I am watching Noah's incredible spirit touch lives as we tell others of him and we share our testimonies with them of Noah's life and our gratitude for the gospel. We are filled with joy as we see the light of Christ begin to shine in their eyes and we are profoundly grateful to have the opportunity to share the gospel of Jesus Christ and give others the opportunity to have in their lives the beauty of the gospel that we have. In the midst of all this pain, we have experienced a joy that is indescribable! Once Heavenly Father opened my eyes and has allowed me to see what growth we have experienced then things in my life began to be light again. My ability to serve my family is increasing and my physical strength is returning. I miss Noah everyday of my life but I can finally see what Heavenly Father has been teaching me all along. Noah's mission was to gain a body and teach us what pure love is...he has now returned with honor and wants nothing more than for us to share that love with each other and others. He is waiting for us and he will always be in our lives. We will have him for eternity and though my heart longs for him everyday, I can clearly see that he wants me to lift up my head and continue moving forward with faith. He wants his dad and I to never give up and to teach his brother and sisters the simple, beautiful truths of the gospel. He wants us to hold to the iron rod and never walk away from what we hold most dear. He is waiting, he is teaching, he is preparing for each of us. We will not disappoint him. We will continually pray for strength thru trials and for the blessings of Heaven to rest upon us. We will never give up and move forward with faith in every footstep. I can finally see clearly the lessons that Heavenly Father has wanted me to learn. I will strive for more faith, more knowledge and more trust in His will for me. I am thankful for the power of prayer and the strength of the temple. It has been a lamp unto my feet.