RANDOM THOUGHTS........

I guess this is a place that I can share my thoughts and feelings sometimes. These past few weeks I have struggled to find some solace in a world that turned upside down for me on July 6, 2007. I have a wonderful family that I love with all of my heart and am grateful for my wonderful husband who has the strength of a giant, the courage of a lion, the patience of Job and the wisdom of the ages. He is my rock and without him I don't know how I would surive. My children are amazing and their ability to understand things so deeply never ceases to amaze me. For me....I know and understand the plan of salvation and for that I am grateful but to say that that knowledge doesn't keep me from missing my beautiful little boy would be a gross understatement. I am thankful that I know I will see Noah again one day and I will have the opportunity to raise him again but until that day it is hard to be here on earth without him. I miss his beautiful smile and I miss him running around the house, playing on the computer, his endless questions and his kisses and hugs. I want everyone I meet to know that I have four children and that Noah is a beautiful little boy that is missed here on earth. I want everyone to understand that he was this wonderful light to our family and that light has gone out here for a time. I want everyone to understand that it is hard to see others with their children around Noah's age and that the pain is real and deep and I long to hold my baby again. I wonder sometimes if my heart will ever heal. I went to the temple this past week and found solace and peace within its walls. The pain at times overwhelms what I know to be true but I do know where Noah is and what he is doing so that helps me get thru the lonely days. Jeff and I continue to move forward with faith but there are days when I just need to say how I am feeling and I guess this is one of those days. I would give anything to hold my baby again and to pick up after him and to chase him around and to change his accidents and tell him how much he means to me. A night doesn't go by that I don't look up into the Heavens and tell him that I love him before I go to sleep like I do all my children. I am thankful Heavenly Father gave him to me and allowed me to be his mother. What a great privilege for me. I have been so blessed.....thanks for listening to my ramblings.....! Below is the last picture we took of Noah. Emily took it on July 4th....I am so thankful we have it.