Faith!

Lately I have been thinking and pondering what faith really is...does it mean that if we have have faith then everything that we pray for will be answered the way that we hope it will? I would like to say yes, that is it, but it's not. Faith is an action word I am finding. President Henry B. Eyring said one time in a talk..."great faith has a short shelf life" so I figure in order to keep "great faith", we have to work on it all the time. I think sometimes when we pray for more faith (as I have been doing lately) that Heavenly Father allows us to have experiences with which we are asked to exercise faith, even when the challenges seem insurmountable and it takes a huge amount of faith to go forward, to gain "great faith". I also read a talk to today by Elder Jeffrey Holland entitled Remember Lot's Wife....I recommend it to everyone, anyway, he says in his talk when he talks about Lot's wife, " She doubted the Lord's ability to give her something better than she had." He also said that "faith is always pointed to the future." So, with that in mind, I have thought that if we show faith in Heavenly Father and His ability to give us better than what we have, even when the future that we can see is scary and uncertain, and even bleak, then we will stretch and grow and expand our limited ability to understand and we will gain "great faith"! That is what I have decided to do...I prayed for more faith, for more strength and Heavenly Father is allowing me to stretch and grow and expand my faith and thru all this stretching and growing and expanding, I will gain strength because I will exercise all the spiritual muscles that I have to stand up in the face of overwhelming challenges and say, I know where my strength lies....and "I CAN DO ALL THINGS thru Christ who strengtheneth me"....and that is what the bottom line is for me....all I have is my faith and I will not abandon it for if I show Heavenly Father that I trust him and I will follow Him, then He will take my little faith and turn it into "great faith". So what I have learned about faith is this...to believe and trust that Heavenly Father has not nor will ever leave us alone, and we have to exercise faith to help it grow. Experiences that are hard give us those opportunities to exercise that faith so I pray that I will rise to the challenges that we now face in our family. Jeff and I are united in our belief that the Lord is in control and He will lead us where we need to be...the road may be narrow, rocky, and hard but we will walk it hand in hand and not look back, because "great faith" always points to the future!

Pondering

Sitting up in the hospital gives me a lot of time to ponder....I don't spend as much time watching the tv or even with it on as I used to. I read my scriptures and I am right now reading a book entitled, "Be not Afraid"....that phrase always reminds me of Noah's favorite picture that we used to look at during sacrament. Even thinking about those days brings me to tears but as I have been reading this book, it reminds me that we are never alone even when we may feel so. It is reminding me that the Lord is always mindful of us, he always listens to our prayers and He knows our hearts. I sometimes feel helpless when I see Lauren struggling thru pain that no one can really resolve and she has to pull it together and learn to deal with it. I watch helplessly as she looks at me with those pleading eyes of hers and I read to her from the Book of Mormon and I go into the bathroom and kneel and pray for her relief and ask the Lord to comfort her in the way only He can. I call Jeff and he reassures me that the Lord is in control and all will be well. I wait for her to make that turn and feel better and I tell her it is just around the corner. Then I watch as she finds her courage and strength and she rises above the pain and finds a place to put her pain so she can deal with it again and the tears come because I know the Lord is helping her go forward....the doctors and nurses don't understand what I do about Lauren...they don't understand that her inner strength comes from her Father in Heaven..they don't appreciate that when she struggles with her own physcial limitations and breaks down that when she turns to Heavenly Father, her strength returns and her ability to cope comes back. They don't understand her burning testimony of a loving Father in Heaven and His ability to heal her. I know these things, I remind her of these things and then we go forward and she pushes thru. She is strong, courageous, faithful, and she rises above her physical challenges. I am proud of her strength, of her courage, and of her ability to stand up in the face of overwhelming challenges and fight back. I love her determination and it strengthens my own. I love my children and my devoted husband....at home they continue to keep things going and they kneel together and pray for our family and they give me courage. I never worry when I am up at the hospital because I know at home that they are strong and they continue to do what is right. I feel the Lord's hand in my life everyday...I try hard everyday to acknowledge His blessings in my family's life and in my own. I try all the time to see the silver linings and to know, that no matter what, He is in control and He does what is best for me and my family. If I continue to put my complete trust and faith in Him and am obedient to His commandments then, as President Hinckley used to say, "it will all work out." I like having time to ponder, it reminds me of the great blessings that pour into my life all the time and it gives me time to thank my Heavenly Father for them....I am always reminded that the Lord does not give us stones, He gives us bread and I am grateful for every kind He sends my way for they all fill me with a stronger desire to live as He would have me to.

Another Hospital Stay!

Well, here we are again at UNC Children's Hospital. We came to WakeMed around 5 am on Sunday morning because Lauren could not maintain her blood sugar levels and we couldn't figure out why. They ran bloodwork on her and when they came back, they were all whacked out and her white blood cell count was dangerously low (which means she was susceptible to anything that was out there)! Late that night, they came in and told me that her blood culture came back positive which meant she had an infection in her port a cath line that had gotten into her blood stream which explained why her labwork was so bad. They immediately started her on IV antibiotics and 24 hours later they ran another set of labs and they looked a lot better. We transferred over to UNC Childrens the next night as we knew this was going to be a 2 week hospital stay and we wanted to be where Lauren's doctors are. We were blessed to get the big corner room with lots of space so that made Mom happy as well. While we are here they are also doing her dhe treatment to get her migraines under control and checking out Lauren's nutrition labs as she continues to lose weight and she cannot afford to lose any. We are working hard to correct that. All in all, things are going well and we are happy to have wonderful doctors who look after Lauren and take care of any issues that arise. Below is a picture of my sleeping beauty with her mask on. She wears that when she has a headache and doesn't feel well to block out any light. She is a much loved young woman over here at UNC and we feel the Lord's blessings on our family greatly. We are thankful for the many prayers in our behalf and all the support we get. We are a truly blessed family and have much to be grateful for! Thank you all for loving Lauren like you do..she feels your love and support and it means the world to her!